


I found love (where it wasn't supposed to be)

by crumbleduppieceofpaper



Series: "I found love" [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Clexa, Cute, F/F, Fluff, Linctavia - Freeform, Smut, or at least a bit of it, rated mature for future chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-01 07:52:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5198087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crumbleduppieceofpaper/pseuds/crumbleduppieceofpaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke had been in the business of waitressing for three years now. She was so experienced that she had been appointed head of service at a very prestigious place near college. So why the hell was she dropping plates and getting small tips tonight? She had a feeling it had something to do with Lexa, the new chef. </p><p>or</p><p>The Clexa Restaurant AU, in which we pretend two 19-year-olds can run a restaurant that only needs 11 people in its staff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the passion at the beginning...

**Author's Note:**

> Rated M for a future chapter.
> 
> (aka, don't worry, it's smutfree 'till chapter 4/5)
> 
> Title taken from Amber Love's "Run"
> 
> Chapter titles taken from the interludes The Sex, The Love & The Pain on Tove Lo's album "Queen Of The Clouds".
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Clarke had been in the business of being a waitress for three years or so. 

She had started at an Italian place in her old hometown and sadly, had been obliged to stop when she had moved away for college, a year later. After that, she had worked at a small diner just around the corner of her apartment, but she didn't really like her colleagues there, so she had given up on that job after half a year. Around the same time, a girl in her art class had told her about a fairly big restaurant near their college that was looking for waitresses, so she had found herself at an interview with the owners, a couple in their forties with a love for food, but mostly business. Her resume wasn't that impressive, but after more than a year experience in waitressing, Clarke knew how to balance three plates on her left arm while holding three drinks in her right hand, so they hired her anyway. 

The restaurant was quite fancy, so it was usually visited by businessmen and -women, soccermoms and bratty, rich college guys, but Clarke loved her colleagues and it paid well, so she signed a half year contract and after that one for a whole year. At some point Frank and Lucille, the owners, had even promoted her to head of service, which basically meant that she got to boss the other waitresses around while being paid for it.

So yeah, you could say that Clarke was one of the most experienced (and one of the most loved) waitresses at her workplace. So why the hell was she losing focus, dropping plates and getting the smallest tips tonight?

 

It had all started when Lucille and Frank announced that their daughter would be standing in for Lucille and taking charge of the kitchen. Clarke didn't think much of it, only hoping that their daughter wouldn't be a brat, but when she first lay eyes on Lexa, she had to remind herself how to breathe. 

Lexa walked in the afternoon before their first evening of work together. Clarke and Frank were just preparing the restaurant when the door swung open and Clarke looked up, seeing Lexa for the first time. Lexa had dark hair and green eyes, a very light shade of green. Her make-up drew most attention to her eyes, though her lips were beautiful too; they were a light pink and Clarke wondered if that was lipstick or Lexa's own shade. Lexa's hair was in a braid that looked so tight Clarke was pretty sure that must hurt. She couldn't help but admire Lexa's curves in the tight jeans she was wearing, but quickly looked up when Lexa offered her hand. 

Lexa's hands weren't very soft and she had a tight grip, but Clarke liked it. She looked Lexa in the eye when Lexa spoke, then realised she hadn't been paying attention to what Lexa had said, assumed that Lexa had introduced herself and smiled, saying "I'm Clarke. Clarke Griffin." 

Lexa nodded at that, the corners of her lips tugging up a little as she said, “Lovely to meet you, Clarke.”

Frank came to give his daughter a kiss, greeting her with a soft "Hi Alexa." Lexa's face scrunched up at the use of what probably was her full name, but she let him kiss her cheek anyway. 

"Why don't you two grab a drink from the bar, get to know each other while I finish this up," Frank suggested, gesturing to the few tables that hadn't been set with plates yet.

"Great plan!" Clarke replied – God knew her throat could use a drink – just as Lexa said, "We can get to know each other during work tonight."

Lexa blushed and corrected herself quickly, mumbling, "Well, why not?"

"What can I get you?" Clarke asked, cringing at the way she sounded like a waitress. Then again, Lexa sounded like she was already at work as well, so Clarke guessed it was okay.

"Just a water, please," Lexa said, sitting down at a table. 

 

When Clarke returned with their drinks, Lexa took a sip immediately, as if her throat was as dry as Clarke’s.

Clarke observed the girl in front of her and smirked, "So, you're my new boss."

Lexa looked up, a mix of surprise and curiosity in her eyes. 

"Not your boss," Lexa corrected without blinking, "Your partner."

Clarke nodded, a smile appearing on her face. She liked this girl already.

 

One by one the restaurant staff came in, and Clarke took it upon herself to tell Lexa a bit about every member of staff once Lexa had met everyone.

"Raven is one of our highest-tipped waitresses. She's incredibly charming and very friendly. Maya is a little shy, but always nice to customers. Monty and Jasper are an amazing kitchen duo, they make the best desserts and create amazing new recipes together," Clarke smiled and continued, "Octavia is my best friend and an amazing waitress, she's great with kids. Bellamy is her brother, he is a really good chef and often helps Finn out. Finn works in the kitchen too, he is still learning how it all works but he learns fast. Lincoln is our only waiter, so he gets a lot of attention from the ladies but he doesn't let it distract him since he’s with Octavia. Gustus and Indra both work in the kitchen, they like to think they're in charge there, so you should keep an eye on that, but, to be fair, they are very good at what they do. That was about it, I guess."

"That was a whole lot of information," Lexa sighed. Clarke laughed as Lexa took another sip from her water, as if that would help her remember.

"So you are very good at describing… How would you describe yourself?" Lexa questioned, seeming actually interested.

Clarke thought about it for a minute before replying with, "Clarke, an artist who has this job mostly to pay for college, even though she misses most lectures."

"An artist?" 

"Well, not really an artist, but y'know... I draw. Paint sometimes."

"Interesting," Lexa said. Clarke was surprised at the way Lexa sounded like she genuinely cared. She considered telling Lexa about her art, but that could take hours and she didn’t want Lexa to be freaked out by her obsession with art. 

"So what about you? What's your introduction?" she asked instead.

"Well, I'm Lexa, and I have taken a break from college, so my parents lost it and told me to come work at their restaurant, even though I don't know much about food."

Clarke laughed at that, a soft laugh that she hoped didn't sound like she was laughing at Lexa. Lexa smiled and Clarke held her breath at the softness in her eyes. There had been a certain hardness in Lexa’s eyes when Clarke first saw her; the hardness had faded away now.

"Sounds adventurous," Clarke said, "So if the kitchen goes up in flames tonight, you're to blame?"

"Probably," Lexa replied, the smile still on her lips.

 

It turned out Lexa had been modest. She obviously wasn't as good at running the kitchen as her mother was, but that was only because she didn't know the staff well enough yet. 

The night went by very well, except for a few incidents with people getting the wrong plates, which then shook up the waitresses too. They all had to work extra hard to get used to the changes in leadership, but overall it went fine. For the restaurant, at least; Clarke found herself with her head in the clouds. Foggy clouds that made it hard for her to see what the hell was going on. 

She couldn’t focus on anything, stressed because she knew that Lexa was watching her. She didn’t even know why she wanted to impress Lexa so much. Maybe it had to do with Lexa being her boss – because let’s be fair, as much as she preferred partner, Lexa had a higher spot in the hierarchy – or with Lexa being so incredibly, intimidatingly, interesting. 

When Clarke dropped a plate for the first time in months, Raven dragged her to the back.

 

"What the hell is up with you, Clarke?" Raven asked, seeming more worried than angry.

"I don't know," Clarke sighed, "Things just aren't going great today."

"And you're sure it has nothing to do with Lexa?" Raven asked, a smirk in her voice.

"No, don't be stupid, of course not," Clarke frowned. Maybe it did – Raven didn’t need to know that. Clarke would never hear the end of it if she confessed. 

"Well, you know, if you’re not interested…" Raven trailed off, smirking.

"You're not gonna do anything," Clarke replied, her voice angry, "She's your boss."

"Alright, alright," Raven said, her hands up in defence, "I was just kidding. Partly. But you should get your shit together. Trust Lexa. She'll take care of the kitchen, you just take care of you. I'll take care of the tips."

 

Raven kept true to her word. She served all the college guys, and with some flirty smiles, she nearly doubled the money they usually earned from tips.

"You're an angel," Clarke told her by the end of the night, throwing her arms around Raven.

Raven laughed and said, "No problem, cap."

Cap was a nickname Clarke had somehow earned when Raven started to work in the restaurant. Neither she nor Raven could remember exactly how she had earned the nickname, but it was a nickname only Raven used and that made it nice – it was like an inside joke.

When they heard someone clear their throat behind them Clarke released Raven to see Lexa there, playing with her hands, looking a little uncomfortable.

"Great work tonight," she said to Raven, a small smile on her lips.

Raven thanked her and said something about sorting out all the phone numbers she had gotten before hurrying out of the restaurant. 

Lexa cleared her throat again when they were alone, although it wasn’t to get Clarke’s attention this time.

"I was wondering if you have time to evaluate the evening," Lexa said, voice soft and insecure. 

"Lexa," Clarke smirked, "if you wanna go grab a drink with me, you can just ask."

Lexa's eyes went wide and she started rambling, "I didn't mean it like that, I just meant have a drink here in the restaurant and discuss the-"

"Calm down, I was kidding," Clarke laughed. Lexa was startled so easily; it was cute. 

"Oh," Lexa said, looking a little confused, then changed the subject quickly, "I'll go get us drinks. A coke for you, right?"

Clarke nodded and smiled at the way Lexa had remembered her drink. Everyone drinks coke, she told herself, it's nothing special.

 

When Lexa came back with their drinks, Clarke started talking immediately.

"I'm not usually the way I was tonight, I -"

"I know, Finn told me. Not that I discussed it with him. He just came up to me and started talking," Lexa paused for a moment, seeming to think about it, and then added, "He called you princess."

Clarke blushed.

"That's just a stupid nickname he has for me," she justified. She wasn’t sure why she was justifying anything. 

Lexa nodded and moved on, saying what had been on her mind that evening, "Is Raven always so..."

"Flirty?" Clarke finished, and Lexa nodded.

"Yeah, she's not usually as flirty as tonight, but she certainly uses her charm and the customers love it. It makes them feel special. She loves it too; I guess it boosts her ego."

"Don't you think it’s a little, um, slutty?" Lexa asked. 

Clarke frowned, "That's not a very women-friendly word, I'd be careful with using that word about employees, especially around Octavia."

"Right," Lexa nodded, looking down at the table, "Sorry."

Clarke smiled at the way Lexa looked like a toddler caught trying to steal candy. If Lexa hadn’t been so cute, she’d probably be angry, but she couldn’t really help herself when Lexa dipped her head in shame like that.

She continued, in a softer voice, "I don't see any harm in it. Raven enjoys it, customers enjoy it, it raises the amount of tips... But if you don't like it, you could always discuss it with her."

"No, you're right," Lexa concluded the topic.

An awkward silence fell upon them.

"You were great tonight, by the way," Clarke said, struggling to get the words out of her mouth because somehow, they felt more intimate than a normal compliment should feel. 

"Thank you," Lexa's voice was soft as she looked up at Clarke through her eyelashes. As soon as Clarke saw that image, she thought that it would make an amazing painting.

They talked for a while, not as much about the restaurant as about their lives and Clarke was struck by how easy it was to feel comfortable around Lexa. Sure, Lexa was quiet sometimes, and sometimes Clarke felt like she was the one trying hardest, but Lexa made up for it when she brought up a topic she was passionate about and her eyes glowed more than they usually did when she smiled, which made the corners of Clarke's mouth turn up automatically.

At some point, Clarke took a glance at her watch and saw that it was two and a half hours later. They laughed at the way they had been so distracted by the conversation and got up, leaving the restaurant.

 

"D’you wanna do the honours?" Clarke joked, gesturing to the unlocked door. 

Lexa grabbed a key from the pocket of her jeans while Clarke leaned her back against the door. She watched Lexa fiddle with the lock next to her, giving Lexa instructions since she knew that it wasn’t an easy door. After a while she started to get impatient. She positioned herself next to Lexa, pushed the door close with one hand and covered Lexa's hand with the other. She felt Lexa's hand stiffen, but just as she thought it would be better if she pulled back, Lexa relaxed. 

"To the left," Clarke mumbled, moving Lexa's hand in that direction as she said so.

The door locked with a soft click and Clarke let Lexa’s hand go, moving away to give Lexa space. 

"Shall I walk you home?" Lexa asked when she had recollected the key and turned around. Clarke noticed how she had slipped into formal mode again and couldn't deny that this disappointed her a little.

"I'm actually by metro."

"Then I will walk you to your metro," Lexa replied, not missing a beat.

Clarke chuckled at how determined Lexa was and asked, "Is it on your way?"

Lexa blushed a little at being caught, but quickly found an excuse.

"No, but I shouldn't let a girl walk to the subway station alone at this hour."

"So it's not just for the pleasure of my company?" Clarke pouted. Lexa was obviously trying to hold back a smile, but finally gave in and let her lips curl up.

"That also," she said, the smile audible in her voice.

They walked to the metro station in a comfortable silence.

 

"Fuck," Clarke sighed as they arrived on the platform, "I've just missed it by five minutes."

Lexa didn't say anything. She just sat down on one of the benches that had been placed on the platform and when Clarke raised one eyebrow at her, surprised that Lexa was apparently waiting with her, she just said, "Waiting is easier when you're sitting down."

So they waited for half an hour, but they didn't mind because the weather was great and the company even better. 

"Wait, you didn't want me to walk to the metro station alone, and now you're walking home alone?" Clarke asked, frowning slightly, just before her metro arrived.

"I only have to walk to my car. And I've also practiced martial arts for five years," Lexa confessed, "I'll be fine."

The metro arrived and Clarke stepped through the open doors, turning around to face Lexa once she was inside.

"Wow, martial arts, so you're dangerous," she teased. She loved teasing Lexa, because even when Lexa barely reacted verbally, she could see Lexa’s eyebrow shoot up just a millimeter or see her swallowing slightly.

She expected a smile from Lexa, but it didn't come and she worried for a second until she heard Lexa speak, right before the doors closed.

"Not for everyone. Not for you."

 

\------

 

Clarke held her breath at Lexa’s words. She looked for Lexa as the metro started driving away, but Lexa was gone and Clarke was left alone in the metro, plumping down on a seat and thinking that this felt like the start of something beautiful. 

 

\-------


	2. ... it's always gonna be the best part of it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lexa blows up and Clarke accidentally uses her seduction skills.

The more Lexa got to know everyone, the better she ran the kitchen. She pushed everyone to do better, told them straight up when they'd done something wrong and yelled at them when they needed it.

On the other hand, she defended the staff to her father when they'd made a mistake and spoke great words about them to Clarke. Clarke and Lexa still evaluated together, nearly every night, although the subject had mostly shifted from the evening to how their days were.

The two girls made a great team. On busy nights, Lexa instructed the kitchen crew to work harder so they could keep up with the waitresses and waiter, while Clarke told her people to be grateful to the chefs and keep smiling at the customers.

One night, when they were both on a five minute break, they stood together in front of the bar, watching the waitresses running around and the kitchen staff handing them plates.  
It all worked like one big machine, and Clarke thought that this was the first time she'd seen the kitchen crew and the waitresses work together like this.

"You know, they were never this much of a team before you came," Clarke said, turning to her left to face Lexa. Lexa had a small smile on her lips.

"They just needed some tough love," Lexa concluded.

"Ah, so it _is_ love?" Clarke teased.

Lexa's smile grew wider. She turned around but before she was gone, mumbled, “I'm gonna get back to work.”

 

\-----

 

Clarke found herself thinking of Lexa during lectures, of things Lexa had said, of Lexa's formality disappearing the longer they talked, of the way Lexa's stiff shoulders relaxed when she saw Clarke.

 

\-----

 

Yeah, Clarke and Lexa working together was great for the restaurant. But Lexa did push too hard sometimes.

Clarke was just walking into the kitchen to ask Bellamy why he was being so slow - she had been waiting for five minutes now - when she saw Lexa standing next to an open fridge, her face red and her eyes angry. Finn was placed opposite her, his right hand pale from gripping the refrigerator door so hard. He looked at the ground submissively, but his face was scrunched up as if he was mad. The other chefs were watching the encounter.

"How could you have been so – you left the refrigerator open?" Lexa asked, her voice calm but obviously dripping with anger.

"I didn't leave it open," Finn replied, his voice clearly annoyed and a little louder than Lexa’s, "I just must've forgotten to close it properly."

“That’s exactly the same,” Lexa said, raising her voice to match Finn’s volume.

“No, it’s not,” Finn argued. Lexa sighed.

"Whatever you did, all the ice is melting and the soda is nearly warm. Get it cold again," Lexa said, shutting the door.

"How?" Finn asked, looking up. Clarke sighed. Did he really need Lexa to do everything for him?

Lexa must have thought the same. She rolled her eyes and rubbed her forehead.

"I don't _care_ how!" she shouted, walking out of the room, "Just fix it!"

That sent Finn over the edge.

"Why don't you just hold it to your fucking frozen heart to get it cold?" he shouted back.

Lexa stopped dead in her tracks. Clarke saw the surprise on her face and, since Lexa was standing right in front of her, saw a series of emotions flash through her eyes. Lexa allowed her face to show shock, hurt and anger before she finally made it slip back to calmness.

Lexa had recomposed herself so quickly that not even ten seconds had gone by before she turned around, looked Finn dead in the eye and said, "I would, had I not been so busy fixing your mistakes."

Finn was quiet, but even if he'd still had something to say, Lexa wouldn't have heard it, because she stormed out the room, eyes trained on the ground in front of her.

"Hey, why don't you guys get back to work?" Clarke called out to the other chefs, and continued to Finn in a soft, but firm voice, "You heard what she said, Finn. Fix it. And do _not_ talk to her like that again."

Finn nodded, accepting defeat and Clarke walked out of the kitchen to find Octavia.

 

"O, I need you to tell Raven, Maya and Lincoln that we won't have ice cream for dessert for another 30 minutes. Offer a sample of Monty's chocolate pie when customers complain."

"Any excuse to talk to my boyfriend during work is great," Octavia smirked, immediately walking up to Lincoln.

Clarke shook her head but couldn’t help the smile on her face as she watched her best friend. She snapped out of the rush of affection quickly and started looking for Lexa. She wasn't in her dad's office and not in the back either, so Clarke opened the backdoor, which led to an ally at the back of the restaurant, and sighed out of relief when she saw Lexa standing there.

The weather was nice outside so Clarke didn’t understand why Lexa was sitting on the ground with her knees to her chest, shivering a little, until it occurred to her that Lexa might be crying.

"Hey," Clarke said tentatively. Lexa turned her head. There were no signs of tears in Lexa’s eyes, but she still looked as if she had been caught in a moment of vulnerability. She pushed herself up quickly, looking embarrassed as she wiped off some dirt from her jeans.

"Hello Clarke," she said and Clarke sighed at the formality.

Clarke decided to ask it straight up, tired of tiptoeing around Lexa.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course." There was no trace of emotion in Lexa's voice.

"Finn was out of line there," Clarke noted, her voice cautious, and _dammit_ , she was on her tiptoes again.

Lexa nodded stiffly, which gave Clarke the courage to go on.

"He was wrong -"

"No he wasn't," Lexa cut her off. It took Clarke a moment to realize what Lexa was saying.

"Okay, so you can be a little cold sometimes," Clarke admitted, "and maybe you pushed a little too hard. But at least you're smart. You do your job well. He had no right to be like that."

"It's okay," Lexa said as she stared ahead, "Love is weakness, Clarke. Even tough love."

Clarke opened her mouth to protest, but Lexa slipped past her, her hands balled into shaking fists and her shoulders squared, back into the restaurant.

Lexa did not come to evaluate the evening that night.

 

\-----

 

Clarke sat alone at a table after Lexa had disappeared quickly, wondering why Lexa had decided to punish _her_ for something Finn had done.

 

\-----

 

For a few weeks, Lexa was all polite smiles and formal words. She worked hard, trying not to send Finn over the edge again, but that still didn't gain her much popularity in the kitchen.

One night after work the team went into town, grabbing a few drinks. They had gathered around a table at their local bar and after a drink or two, Raven asked, "Hey, isn't Lexa coming?"

Indra snorted, "I’m pretty sure she’s too busy pushing a stick up her ass. "

Gustus laughed at that, but Octavia, seeing the way those words affected Clarke, said, "Hey, if you’re gonna talk crap like that all night, beat it."

"Why? She's always bossing us around," Finn pointed out. Clarke wondered if he knew how much he sounded like a toddler. It was the first time she had wanted to punch Finn just  
to shut him up.

"She's your leader. She's good at what she does. If that means bossing you around, suck it up," Clarke defended her. Monty and Jasper nodded, agreeing.

"Leader? More like a commander!" Gustus scoffed.

"Looks like you need one if you can't even take orders without whining about it for weeks," Lincoln mumbled.

"Slaaaaaay!" Octavia yelled, pressing a kiss to her boyfriend's cheek.

 

\-----

 

Clarke wondered, after six drinks, when she would finally start forgetting about Lexa's eyes and the way she felt them look at her sometimes.

 

\-----

 

Days dragged on and just when Clarke was about to give up, Lexa started to open up again.

It started with small gestures, like giving Bellamy an extra break so he could smoke a cigarette. Two days later, Clarke saw her laughing with Jasper. When Lexa let Monty go earlier because he had to go meet his boyfriend's parents, Clarke knew the old Lexa had somewhat returned.

 

\-----

 

Although it made Clarke happy to see real smiles on Lexa's face, it hurt her heart that those were never directed at her.

 

\-----

 

It took Lexa one more week to open up to Clarke.

It had been a busy night for the restaurant. It was nearly closing time and Frank had already left when four men in three-piece suits came in and took place at a table in the back  
of the restaurant.

"I'm sorry, but we're just closing up," Lexa told them.

The front man, a handsome, but smug-looking guy, smirked at her and said, "We're only here to have a drink. Don't worry honey, we'll be quick."

Clarke saw the encounter happen and felt bad for Lexa, who clenched her fists slightly at the word "honey", but went to get the men's orders anyway, since Lexa didn't say anything about it. She got the guys four whiskeys and invited the restaurant staff to come sit in the restaurant so they could at least sit down while they waited for the men to leave.

 

After half an hour the four men hadn't left yet. They were still at their table, laughing and drinking, seeming oblivious to the fact that the whole staff was waiting for them to leave.

"You guys go home," Clarke said, "I'll handle it."

Gustus was already up, but Lexa said, "No. We work together, we leave together."

Raven nodded and commanded, "Sit down, Gustus."

In the meantime, Lexa got up and walked over to the men's table. She exchanged a few words with them, but it didn't seem to help. The men started raising their voices, talking about bad service, and Clarke could see Lexa get more and more worked up. Lexa looked so angry that it wouldn't surprise Clarke if she was gonna turn into a big, green monster in a few seconds.

She got up quickly and walked over to the table.

"Let me handle this," she mumbled to Lexa.

"Gentlemen, what seems to be the problem?" she asked.

"Well, we've only just finished our whiskeys and now your friend here already wants us to leave," the man from before complained.

"She was also very unfriendly when we arrived," the guy next to him said.

Clarke nodded. She turned to Lexa, who was trying – and failing – to hide her fury, and said, "Why don't you grab yourself a glass of water?"

Lexa didn't say anything. She just gave Clarke a cold stare that made her shiver and sat back down at the table with the other staff.

"I think what my colleague was trying to say is that our whole staff is pretty tired, we've had a busy week and we'd all really like to go home," Clarke said in a gentle voice.

"That's not my problem," the front man said, "We just wanted a whiskey and to relax."

"I understand, but we were already supposed to close half an hour ago. I cannot let my team stay for more than half an hour; that is irresponsible of me and unfair to them."

"What, you're their leader? How old are you, 12?" one of the men said, and they all started laughing in Clarke's face. Clarke started to understand why Lexa got so upset. Being laughed at, she knew, was much worse than being yelled at. She ignored the anger in the pit of her stomach and used a calm, but firm voice.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

The front man laughed it off and said, "Give us five more minutes."

"No sir, I'd like you to leave right now." Clarke didn't give in.

"C'mon, five more minutes before I have to go home and face my wife and her whining." The other men laughed at what the first guy had said. Clarke could've sworn she heard Octavia say something about a misogynistic pig.

"Look, I'm sorry it has to come to do this, but if you don't leave right now, I'll have to ask my staff to escort you out."

The men took one glance at Lincoln and decided they'd best go home now. Grumbling about bad service and saying they were going to file a complaint, they slowly made their way out of the restaurant. Clarke shut the door behind them.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Raven said, "And don't fucking come back either."

Everyone had been holding their breath when Clarke was arguing with the men, but now they all burst out in laughter. Relief flooded through the air and it was visible on everyone's face, except for Lexa's, who was wearing a slight smile, but her eyes told another story.

Clarke noticed.

 

"Go home, guys, I'll clean this up," she said, knowing that Lexa would be the only one too polite to leave, especially with the possibility of the men coming back when Clarke was alone.

"Thanks babe," Octavia said, kissing Clarke's cheek and pulling Lincoln out the door with her.

The rest of the team left too, while Lexa started cleaning the men's table.

Clarke took the glasses off the table and walked over to the bar to wash them.

She heard Lexa walk up to the bar and felt eyes on her back, but didn't turn away from the sink, deciding that if Lexa was angry with her, it wasn't Clarke's job to get it out of her.  
Her palms were sweaty, her stomach heavy with anticipation. Clarke wondered how confronting Lexa had become harder than confronting those men.

"You should not have done that," she finally heard Lexa say, voice cold and lacking emotion.

"Done what?" Clarke grabbed a towel and dried the glasses one by one. She knew full well that it was about how she had interfered while Lexa was talking to those jerks.

"I could have handled that. You should have let me." Lexa's voice now held some anger and Clarke was thankful to hear emotion rather than hurt because of what Lexa had said.

"You looked like you were about to try out your martial art skills on his face."

"You should have trusted me not to!" Lexa said, raising her voice slightly.

Clarke turned around, glad that Lexa was opening up, but also annoyed at being scolded at for helping out.

"You looked upset," she justified, raising her voice too, "I was trying-"

"I looked _incapable_ ," Lexa cut off, her voice close to yelling, "Thanks to you."

Clarke sighed softly, looking down at the sink. It was nothing out of the ordinary, she told herself, Lexa yelled at people all the time. She had just enjoyed being the only exception.

Lexa noticed and continued in a softer voice, "I still need to proof myself here, Clarke. These people do not like me, so I have to show them I'm capable. You don't. You have worked here for over a year, you're funny, you're cute. Everyone likes you."

Despite her disappointment, Clarke's stomach fluttered at those compliments. She felt sorry for Lexa, who knew that she wasn't the most appreciated staff member here - not by far.

"They do like you," Clarke tried to lessen Lexa's insecurities.

"No, they don't. And I don't know how to make them like me," Lexa admitted. Suddenly Lexa seemed small, like a kicked puppy.

"How about you go out with us sometime? Just so everyone can get to know you like I do. We'll have a drink, it'll be fun."

"Okay," Lexa agreed, although she didn’t look totally sure of what she’d just embarked on.

"And try to cut your people some slack when it's not that busy."

Lexa nodded.

"Thank you, Clarke. And I'm sorry."

Clarke knew that Lexa was apologising not as much for shouting as for shutting Clarke out. She felt, then, that they were good.

That feeling was confirmed when Lexa poured them drinks so they could catch up and walked her to the subway later that night.

 

\-----

 

Clarke thought about the whole situation in the metro back home. She wondered if this was the way Lexa outed her anger. She wondered if Lexa always let it all build up inside of her, until something triggered an outburst and she spat her fire around like a volcano.

 

\-----

 

When Frank had to leave town for a business trip, Clarke asked Raven to come set up the diner with her, since she didn't think she should ask Lexa to come to the restaurant for something so unimportant, Octavia and Lincoln were too busy with each other and she got along with Maya, but not as great as she got along with Raven.

Raven and Clarke had an interesting relationship. When Clarke first met Raven, there was a sort of tension, which only escalated with Raven being very flirty. At some point they had shared a kiss, but neither had been looking for more than that. Now they were just friends and, although they never talked about the kiss, Clarke knew that if she wanted to, Raven wouldn't be weird about it. Raven respected Clarke just as much as Clarke respected Raven and Clarke was grateful for the way things had played out between them.

"Let's play some music," Raven suggested. Clarke wasn’t sure about that request because she was pretty sure Frank wouldn't enjoy that too much, had he been there, but Raven was already plugging her iPod into the sound system.

Next thing Clarke knew, Beyoncé's Flawless was blasting through the speakers and really, who could resist that song?

They started dancing while setting the tables, singing along out of tune, but stopped when heard the door slam shut behind them. Turning around, Raven and Clarke faced the cause of the slamming door.

 

They had been caught red-handed by Lexa.

 

Lexa, who stood by the door with one raised eyebrow and a small smirk on her lips.

Raven rushed over to the sound system and turned down the music. Clarke faced Lexa, looking for an explanation, but when she came up empty-handed, she just kinda shrugged and said, "Beyoncé does that to people."

Lexa nodded and said, "Fair enough" before walking into the kitchen, leaving Clarke and Raven behind with open jaws.

"I like her," Raven finally said.

When she began to ask if Clarke was sure that a fling with Lexa would be unethical, Clarke turned the music back up.

As Clarke made her way to the kitchen, a punk song started playing. Since Clarke had just turned up the music, the guitars and the grunting were extra loud and Clarke was pretty sure the neighbours would not be happy with this. She shouted, while holding her hands over her ears, "Raven!" The song was turned off quickly, replaced by a Taylor Swift song and Raven shouting, "Sorry!"

When Clarke walked into the kitchen, Lexa was standing by the fridge, probably looking for supplies.

Clarke leaned into one of the kitchentables, taking in Lexa's presence. Lexa looked great today, in denim skinny jeans and a red blouse, with minimal make-up - but didn't she always?

"Well," Clarke said, "now we know Raven likes Metallica."

Lexa shut the fridge door, walked over to the table opposite Clarke and started scribbling some things down on a notepad.

Clarke was starting wonder whether she should just leave Lexa alone, but then Lexa looked up at Clarke and said, "That was Bring Me The Horizon. Metallica is heavier."

"Wow," Clarke smirked, "you know your shit, don't you? Who knew quiet, polite Lexa liked punk music?"

"Quiet, polite people can like punk music too," Lexa defended herself.

"Hm-hm," Clarke replied, a smirk still on her face.

Lexa raised her eyebrow at that, "Need I remind you of the way you were dancing when I came in, Clarke?"

Clarke smirked, "Are you trying to make me blush? Because I know that I'm a great dancer."

"Really?" Lexa snorted, "Those 80s moves make you a great dancer?"

"No but I've got other moves that I'm sure will convince you," Clarke winked and when did she start flirting with her colleague?

Lexa didn't seem to mind.

"Try me," she smirked back, surprising Clarke for the third time that night.

Clarke was saved by the bell, or rather, by Raven shouting "Hey captain, are you gonna help or what?"

"Guess I gotta go," Clarke grinned.

"Lucky," Lexa mumbled as Clarke walked out.

 

\-----

 

Clarke wondered, later that day, what would've happened if Raven hadn't interrupted.

 

\-----


	3. and then you freak out...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa sees something that upsets her and Clarke sees something she should not have seen.

A flash of white raced away in front of Clarke’s eyes. She sighed. She had just missed her metro, which wouldn’t have been so bad if there hadn’t been technical difficulties, but there were and that meant she had just missed the last metro of the day. The worst thing was that she had missed it by about 10 seconds; if she had ran the whole way instead of walking, she would've easily caught it.

She walked back to the restaurant. If she had to come up with another way to get home, she’d rather do it in the warmth of the restaurant than outside, in the cold.

As she walked over to the door of the restaurant, she noticed a familiar figure with broad shoulders and curly hair going in the same direction as she on the other side of the street and called out his name. Bellamy looked up, surprised, and relief flooded his face immediately.

He crossed the street without even looking, a huge grin on his face.

"Thank God you're still here, I think I lost my phone in the kitchen!" he exclaimed, grabbing her in a hug.

Clarke tutted playfully. She explained why she was back at the restaurant and he grinned.

"Sucks for you, good for me."

She punched him slightly on the arm, laughing, and bent over her bag to look for her keys. They proved unnecessary, however, because when Bellamy leaned his back against the door, it flew open. He fell back, surprised at the lack of support. His arm flailed in the air in a failed attempt to grab the door for balance and finally, he landed on his ass. Clarke laughed loudly at his surprised face and it didn't take long before Bellamy laughed along.

"Wow, I guess Lexa isn't as professional as we all thought, leaving the door unlocked and all," Bellamy mumbled.

Clarke walked past him. She turned on the lights and opened her mouth to defend Lexa, but Bellamy cut her off quickly.

"Just kidding, of course. I wouldn't dare criticize her in front of you."

Clarke frowned, wondering what that meant exactly.

He got up after that, walking to the kitchen to - or so Clarke assumed - go get his iPhone. She grabbed her own phone from her pocket and called her friend Wells, knowing that he would come pick her up even if she was in Paris. Wells must have been asleep, though, because she got his voice mail.

She scoffed. How the hell was she gonna get home now?

"Turn that frown upside down," Bellamy said from behind her, in a weird, way too happy voice.

"Fuck off," she said, but her voice was fond.

"That's no way to talk to someone who's bringing you your favourite flavour of ice cream," Bellamy said, placing a bowl of chocolate ice cream in front of her.

"You know me too well," Clarke said and she started eagerly started scooping spoons of ice cream into her mouth, so fast that it started dripping off her chin.

"Fucking gross," Bellamy murmured, watching her.

"What, you don't think I'm pretty?" Clarke smirked, leaning in to wipe her chin off on his cheek. He swatted back too late, but had his revenge when he rubbed his spoon on her nose and lips. Clarke laughed and pulled away, ready for the next round of ice cream battle, when they heard a sound from the other side of the room.

Clarke looked up to see Lexa there, trying to keep the table she had just bumped into from falling over.

She looked up, noticed them looking, and said with a cold voice, "Sorry to interrupt your date, I just thought you were burglars."

Bellamy nearly choked on his ice cream at that, while Clarke quickly clarified, "This is not a date, we're not... Ew. Gross."

"Gee, thanks Griffin," Bellamy said, quasi-insulted, and got up. He must've felt the awkward tension between him and Lexa as much as Clarke did.

"I'll leave you ladies to finish the ice cream," he said and turned to Lexa, "But eat quickly, or else this one won't leave much for you to enjoy."

Lexa smiled politely at him as he opened the door and practically ran out of there.

"Would you like some?" Clarke asked, quickly wiping the remains of ice cream from her chin and nose.

"No, thank you," Lexa said, her voice a little warmer now that Bellamy was gone.

She walked to the kitchen and came back with a glass of water, sitting down next to Clarke, who was finishing the ice cream, this time eating a little more charming.

"Bellamy and I are just friends," Clarke clarified again.

"You don't have to justify yourself to me, Clarke," Lexa said, but her voice was full of warmth this time.

There was a silence until Lexa wondered aloud, "Didn't you have to catch a metro?"

Clarke told her the whole story about missing the metro and Bellamy's iPhone. Lexa, in return, told her that she had been in the back doing paperwork.

"And you didn't hear us 'cause you were playing Bring Me The Horizon?" Clarke teased.

Lexa frowned, "You didn't call out like you usually do."

"Yeah, the lights were off, I thought you had gone home."

"They were off so no one would come in," Lexa explained.

Clarke nodded.

When Clarke had finished her ice cream, Lexa took the bowl to the sink, gathered her stuff and said, "Let's go."

"I literally _just_ told you," Clarke started, a little annoyed, "My metro is not-"

"I know," Lexa interrupted, "I'm driving you home."

 

The walk to Lexa's apartment, where her car was parked, took 5 minutes, followed by a 20 minute car ride to Clarke's home.

They walked and sat in silence, but it was a comfortable one.

Clarke took off her shoes in Lexa's car and pulled her knees up to her chest, leaning into the soft leather of the passenger's seat.

"Are you tired?"

Clarke nodded.

"Was it too tough on you tonight?" Lexa asked in a soft voice, a little worry in her voice.

"No, I just haven't been getting much sleep lately," Clarke reassured her.

Lexa frowned, "Why not? Anything bothering you?"

"Nah," Clarke said, "Been up late painting. I usually get inspired right before going to bed."

Lexa smiled at that, but didn't say anything, so Clarke returned to her foetus-position.

Lexa stopped, a few minutes later, in front of Clarke's apartment.

"You wanna come in for a cup of... Something?" Clarke invited, while she undid her seatbelt.

“No, thank you," Lexa turned the offer down, "Get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

Clarke nodded, "Okay. Thank you for the ride home. You're an angel."

She hesitated for a moment but leaned in anyway, pressing a soft kiss onto Lexa's cheek.

When she leaned back, Lexa was blushing.

"Catch ya later," Clarke smirked, and disappeared quickly.

 

\-----

 

When she opened her apartment door, shut it quickly, leaned against the wall, touched her lips with her fingers and tried to ignore the speeding of her heart, she first admitted to herself that this thing was a crush.  
That night, all her sketches were of green eyes and red cheeks.

 

\-----

 

Clarke had decided not to act on the crush, since she was pretty sure Lexa didn't feel the same.

That was, until Lexa got drunk over her head.

Clarke had dragged her along to the team's night out and Raven and Finn had soon made it their job to get Lexa some shots, since Lexa had only ever drunk champagne before.

Lexa had reasoned one drink wouldn't be that bad, that the first tasted like more, that three would be the limit, and couldn't really reason anymore after the fourth.

Clarke, who had seen this happen before with Maya, had decided to stay sober at the start of the night, and was grateful that she had when Lexa was stumbling on her feet.

Drunk Lexa was much different from sober Lexa: she wore a huge grin all the time, babbled excitedly to everyone about documentaries she had seen and when she went to the bathroom to fix her make-up, she came back with dark streaks of eyeliner beneath her eyes, looking like a raccoon but claiming to be a mighty warrior.

"Okay, c'mon warrior, we're going home," Clarke said, grabbing Lexa by the shoulders, dragging her away from the table at which the team was sitting.

Raven and Finn booed Clarke, shouting that she was a party-pooper. Lexa cheered them on, but did not struggle when Clarke pulled her into a cab.

Clarke thanked the lord that Lexa could still remember her address and fixed Lexa's seatbelt.

"I'm glad you had fun," she told Lexa.

Lexa's resting grin turned into a smile, which somehow meant much more to Clarke.

"Me too," she mumbled, leaning with her head against the window.

When Lexa heard Uptown Funk on the radio, she jumped a little and shouted, "That's my jam!"

Clarke laughed at that and the cab driver turned up the radio, seeming to like the song as well.

Lexa started doing some weird dance moves and Clarke watched her, an amused smirk plastered on her face.

Lexa noticed this and slurred, "Dance with me, Clarke!"

Clarke just sat back and enjoyed the show, too sober to dance in a cab with a drunk Lexa.

Lexa tried to raise one eyebrow at her, but failed miserably. Her words, however, came out perfectly clear.

"Didn't you have some moves to convince me of your dance talent?"

Clarke's stomach fluttered at that comment. She hadn't thought Lexa would remember the day Clarke had started flirting with her, but apparently she did.

"You wouldn't remember in the morning," she replied, trying to keep her voice as casual as possible.

"You'll have to show me some other time, then." Lexa was clearly not talking about dance moves anymore.

Clarke nodded, her throat too dry to actually answer.

 

When the driver stopped at Lexa's place, Clarke told herself to stay in the cab - because God knows what would happen if she went up with Lexa - but when she saw how Lexa could barely set a foot outside the car without falling over, she decided to take Lexa up anyway.

When they got to Lexa's door, Lexa fumbled with her keys and when Clarke had helped her open the door, she invited Clarke in.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Clarke admitted. Lexa nodded, and before Clarke knew what was happening, Lexa had pulled her into a hug. Lexa made herself small, burying her nose in Clarke's neck. Clarke kept her arms around Lexa's waist. She wasn't sure exactly what was happening, but it felt good.

Lexa straightened up a little and Clarke was ready to let her go, when Lexa instead leaned into Clarke a little more.

The hair on Clarke's arms stood up when she felt Lexa's mouth by her ear, all her senses amplified as Lexa whispered, "Your eyes are a sea, Clarke. I’m not sure I know how to swim."

Clarke couldn't help but smile at that, because did Lexa really just use her own version of a pick-up line?

"Thanks, Lexa," Clarke murmured as Lexa moved away.

"It's commander Lexa to you," Lexa corrected and Clarke laughed.

"Just get inside," she said, and with a quick, adorable wave, Lexa did.

 

The next day at work everyone cheered for Lexa. Lexa laughed and said that she didn't remember anything. Clarke believed her, until she found a ridiculous amount of cash in her jean pocket, attached to a note that said, "For the cab ride. Thank you for taking me home."

 

\-----

 

Clarke lay awake at night, trying to find ways to bring up what had happened, until she finally decided not to.

 

\-----

 

Frank was trying to open a second restaurant somewhere in the south, which meant he was on business trips more and more often. Sometimes Lucille dropped by to watch over the restaurant, but most of the time Clarke and Lexa ran the restaurant together.

"I think they want me to take over the restaurant," Lexa confessed to Clarke one night, "Since I've given up being a lawyer."

Clarke had already figured out that Frank and Lucille weren't the kind of parents that were happy with B's and C's, seeing the way Lexa relaxed when they weren't around.

"Well, what do _you_ wanna do?" she asked Lexa.

Lexa smiled and said, "Most of all, I want to make music."

"I didn't know you played an instrument," Clarke said, surprised.

"I play the piano," Lexa said, then added, "and I sing a little."

Clarke replied eagerly, "Can I hear?"

Lexa looked unsure, saying, "I'm really not that good."

Clarke squeezed her hand, opening her mouth to reassure Lexa, when Lexa started singing.

"Maybe you shouldn't come back," she sang, frowning a little, "Maybe you shouldn't come back to me. Tired of being so sad, tired of getting so mad, baby."

It was nothing Clarke had expected; Lexa's voice was strong, yet soft. The emotion in it made the hair on Clarke's arms stand up and Clarke couldn't help but think that this was the most beautiful she had seen Lexa.

When Lexa finished, which was way too soon, she didn't know what else to do but clap.

Lexa blushed as Clarke told her how beautiful it was.

"Now you're just overreacting," she said, pushing Clarke slightly.

Clarke just stared at her, amazed that Lexa did not know how talented she was.

 

\-----

 

Clarke planned to tell Lexa exactly how talented and beautiful and smart and adorable she was. She planned to, but she never did.

 

\-----

 

Clarke enjoyed looking at beautiful things. Sometimes those beautiful things were paintings, sometimes sculptures, sometimes boys, sometimes girls. Lately, however, she would look at girls and all she could do was compare them to a certain girl with brown hair and green eyes. That did not mean all the beauty was lost; she still liked to look at people, but not in the way she did before.

However, when a ginger girl with soft, green eyes walked into the restaurant one night, Clarke could not deny that she was amazingly beautiful and that if there was someone who could get her mind off Lexa, it would be this woman.

The woman looked around, taking in her surroundings. She seemed as though she was looking for something, so Clarke walked up to her quickly.

“May I help you?” she asked, her most charming smile on. The woman smiled back, but Clarke could tell that she was not interested: her eyes flashed around from Frank, who was standing behind the bar, to the kitchen, to Clarke.

“I’m looking for someone,” the girl said and Clarke recognized an English accent. It wasn’t one of those messy, off-putting accents, or one of those posh accents – it was a sexy accent that made her voice sound soft, but a little seductive at the same time.

“Lexa works here, right?” the woman continued. Clarke nodded, her shoulders squaring a little bit.

“Could you – oh God, this is embarrassing – could you tell her that Costia will be waiting for her at the end of the night?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Clarke said, a little caught off guard.

Costia flashed a bright smile and turned around, walking out of restaurant, swaying her hips like a model. Not that Clarke was looking – she was on her way to the kitchen.

Lexa was bent over her work place, chopping pieces of chicken, as busy preparing her dish as the other chefs were.

“Lex, there was someone here for you,” Clarke started. Lexa didn’t look up; she just nodded her head to let Clarke know she’d heard her.

“Her name was Costia and she s-” before she could finish, Clarke was cut off by Lexa dropping the knife that she was holding. It fell on the countertop with a loud thump. Clarke would have found it dramatic if she hadn’t seen the way Lexa’s body had frozen and her eyes had widened.

The other chefs looked around at Lexa, some worried, some just looking for gossip. With one glare from Clarke, they returned to their work. In the meantime, Lexa had walked over to the sink and washed her hands.

“Finish this up, please,” she instructed Bellamy, who nodded and did as she said.

“Come with me,” she said to Clarke. Her voice was soft but Clarke could hear the panic behind her words and that just made her more afraid – who the hell was this Costia and what had she done to make Lexa so scared of her?

Lexa walked out to the alley behind the restaurant, the alley where Clarke had found her after the incident with Finn. She was shaking a little as she leant her back against a stone wall. Clarke walked over to Lexa, standing opposite her.

“Are you sure her name was Costia?” Lexa asked. Clarke shuddered at the way Lexa spoke her name; as if Costia could appear any second and plunge a knife in Lexa’s chest.

“Positive,” Clarke confirmed.

“She was pretty tall, had ginger hair, big green eyes?” Lexa checked.

“Yeah.”

Lexa sighed. She was quiet for a moment. Clarke didn’t speak up; Lexa was probably gathering her thoughts, trying to calm down, and Clarke didn’t want to interrupt that.

“What did she want?” Lexa finally asked.

“She asked me to give you a message.”

“Tell me.”

“She said she’ll be waiting for you at the end of the night,” Clarke said.

“Fuck,” Lexa hissed. That’s when Clarke knew it was serious – she had only heard Lexa use a swear word once or twice before.

“That’s all she said?” Lexa asked. Clarke nodded.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Lexa whispered, rubbing her face with her hands. She started shaking even more. Her chest was heaving up and down, her breathing in shocks and beads of sweat forming on her forehead. Clarke watched as Lexa’s hands gripped the stone wall behind her and turned pale as they held on tight.

“Lex?” Clarke asked, but there was no reply. Lexa’s wide eyes were filling with tears and she was sucking in breaths as if her life depended on it. That’s when Clarke understood what this meant; Lexa was terrified. Lexa was terrified of a pretty girl with big, green eyes.

“Hey, Lex, look at me,” Clarke tried to get Lexa’s attention. When it didn’t work, she cupped Lexa’s face in her hands, forcing Lexa to look at her. Lexa didn’t seem to notice what was happening. Her eyes were still wide, trained on Clarke but not totally present – they looked empty, as if she was looking at Clarke, but not really _seeing_ her.

“I want you to focus on me, okay?” Clarke ordered. It took a while before Lexa nodded. She had needed some time to register Clarke’s words, but when she did focus on Clarke, Clarke saw some part of Lexa returning to her eyes. She let go of Lexa’s face, slid her hands into Lexa’s instead, and guided Lexa’s hand to her stomach.

“Focus on my breaths now, then try to repeat them. Yeah?” Clarke spoke slowly, breathing in and out through her stomach.

Lexa nodded again.

Clarke took a deep breath, then let it go after a few seconds. Lexa repeated the motion and after a few minutes, some of Lexa’s usual peace returned. Clarke waited, deciding to let Lexa be the first to speak.

“Thank you,” Lexa said, when she was a bit more calm. She removed her hands from Clarke’s stomach.

“Costia is – she is my ex-girlfriend,” Lexa explained.

“Oh,” Clarke replied, not knowing exactly how to feel. She didn’t want to be happy about the fact that Lexa had dated a girl because first of all, that was kinda selfish, and second of all, that would mean she had to admit that she wanted to have a shot at dating Lexa. If she even had that shot at all, because wow, she had just seen Lexa’s ex and she was… well… stunning, even though Clarke hated to admit it. Clarke felt jealousy in the pit of her stomach. It was not aimed at Lexa, though. No - Clarke was upset at the possibility of Lexa returning to her ex, her heartbreakingly beautiful ex. But what mattered most right now was the fragile Lexa in front of her, with her fists balled and her face scrunched up in thinking mode.

“Lexa, if you need me to tell her to fuck off, I will,” Clarke said, some of the jealousy pouring through her voice. Lexa didn’t notice.

“Don’t. I suppose I need to talk to her.” Lexa ruffled a hand through her hair and wiped away any trace of tears from her face.

“Look, if she hurts you enough to give you a panic attack again, I will fucking kick her ass.”

Lexa snorted, “You couldn’t take her. I barely can.”

The comment was true, but it hurt Clarke more than she would have admitted. She sighed.

“Okay. I’m gonna go inside.”

Lexa did not reply and Clarke figured that she didn’t care, but right when Clarke put her hand to the door clink, Lexa grabbed her wrist, strong enough to stop Clarke from leaving, but with too little force to make Clarke turn around. Clarke did so slowly.

“Don’t worry,” Lexa said in a soft voice, “I’ll just tell her to… fuck off.”

Clarke worried for a moment that Lexa knew what was going on inside of Clarke, that Lexa knew that Clarke’s insides were dripping with adoration for the way Lexa had mimed her way of swearing, that Lexa knew that Clarke could barely stop herself from letting that adoration pour off her tongue as well. Clarke was afraid that Lexa said this to reassure Clarke nothing was going to happen with Costia, until she realized that Lexa was only trying to convince herself.

She thought maybe that was worse.

 

Clarke was on her way to the subway station that night when she realized that if the sheer mention of Costia’s name freaked Lexa out that much, talking to Costia would cause at least another panic attack, if not more. _Just keep walking_ , Clarke told herself, but she could not get the image of the blood rushing out of Lexa’s face and the shaking of her shoulders from her mind. She doubted for a few minutes before she turned around and headed back to the restaurant. If all had gone well, Lexa would be at home, the lights would be off, and Clarke would know that Lexa was safe. If things had gone horribly wrong, Lexa would be in the restaurant, freaking out, and Clarke would be right by her side, calming her down. And maybe, Clarke thought, maybe then, after Lexa had calmed down and they’d had a drink together, it would be time to tell Lexa how she felt.  
Clarke did not consider the possibility of Costia still being at the restaurant.

She turned the corner, already starting to grab her keys from her pocket, when she saw two figures leaning against the restaurant door. When she looked closer, she noticed that Lexa was the figure being pressed up against the door. She started to worry – had Costia pushed her against the door? Was she holding Lexa down? What happened to Lexa’s martial art skills? – and strengthened her grip on the keys, desperate for any weapon of some sorts to fight Costia off, but before she could walk closer, she froze. Her body had reacted before her mind did.

Her eyes had registered that Lexa’s hair was ruffled up before her mind could. Her ears had responded to the sounds coming from Lexa’s mouth before she could actually realize it. Her fists had balled up at the way Costia pressed kisses down Lexa’s neck before Clarke could even think properly.

Her tears had fallen before she had known why.

 

\-----

 

Isn’t it crazy how dreaming of someone can turn into having nightmares of that person with just one image? One image that kept repeating in front of Clarke’s eyelids, one sound echoing in her mind.

 

\-----


	4. ... 'cause suddenly you need this person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke confronts Lexa. Or maybe the other way around.

Okay, so Clarke admitted that she wasn’t really being professional right now. Passive-aggressive behavior wasn’t really something that fit her – she usually confronted the person she was angry at right away – but really, what else could she do? Go up to Lexa and say, “Hey, I know I have no reason to be, but I’m kinda pissed because I saw you and your ex kissing tonight, and I know I never told you about my feelings for you, but yeah, I have them, and now I’m tearing apart inside because when I look at you, I can’t help but hear the sounds coming from your mouth last night. I can see the hickey in your neck, though I know you tried to hide it, and it makes me wanna punch someone. But that aside, we can just be colleagues and I’ll pretend I’m not dreaming about the way you tilted your head back or how I wish I could do that to you.”? She couldn’t do that.

  
So she just kept her mouth shut. She avoided Lexa. Didn’t grin back when Lexa smiled at her. Walked away before Lexa could start a proper conversation during their breaks. Small talk was all she could handle, and she could barely handle _that_.

Lexa confronted her at the end of the night. Clarke wasn’t very surprised. She figured this would happen, had an excuse made up, but now that Lexa was in front of her, with confused eyes and nearly-pouting lips, somehow the whole “I gotta catch my metro”-excuse just sounded lame.

“Clarke,” Lexa sighed when everyone had left the restaurant. Clarke was just on her way to the door herself, but stopped when Lexa said her name. She turned around slowly, knowing that she missed her opportunity to slip away quietly. When she looked into Lexa’s eyes, she understood perfectly that the metro-excuse wasn’t gonna work. She tried anyway.

“I gotta – I gotta catch my metro,” she said, her voice small.

“I’ll drive you home,” Lexa replied.

“Lexa, I –“

“Clarke, please,” Lexa pleaded, “Just talk to me.”

Clarke had never heard Lexa pleading this way. Her voice had a desperate edge, which was unusual for someone who usually tried to come off as independent and indifferent.

  
Deciding that this conversation would come sooner or later, Clarke closed the door behind her. She leaned back against it, not closing the distance between them. Lexa noticed. She shuffled a little closer, but made sure there were still several meters between them.

“I saw you and Costia last night,” Clarke admitted, looking down. She didn’t know why it felt so embarrassing to admit this, when, surely, Lexa should be the embarrassed one.

Lexa frowned at first, not exactly knowing what Clarke meant, but then the penny dropped. Her eyes went wide and her mouth formed a perfect circle.

“I’m sorry you saw that,” she said after getting over the initial shock.

Clarke just nodded. She didn’t say that it was okay, because, even though it wasn’t Lexa’s intention to hurt her, it really wasn’t okay. She wasn’t okay.

“I know it’s really uncomfortable to see your co-worker… kissing someone, especially when they’ve just had a panic attack over that person. I’m really sorry.”

Clarke nodded again. Lexa came a little closer.

“So, how was it, anyway?” Clarke asked, deciding to torture herself a little, “Are you guys gonna get back together?”

Lexa seemed not to pick up on the fake cheeriness in Clarke’s voice and sighed.

“I don’t know. She wants to. And last nigh- I mean… She’s got great qualities.”

 _Yeah, like giving you panic attacks_ , Clarke commented sarcastically in her head so she wouldn’t have to think of what Lexa actually meant when she said ‘great qualities’.

“I just don’t know if she’s the one I wanna be in a relationship with,” Lexa concluded.  
  
“What do you mean?” Clarke frowned.  
  
“I mean there’s someone else.”  
  
Clarke raised her eyebrows. Last night in bed, all kinds of scenarios had played out in front of her. Scenarios of what could’ve happened if Costia hadn’t showed up. But, apparently, with this other person in the game, she’d never had a shot with Lexa, whether Costia had come to visit or not.  
  
“Oh. That’s nice. So why did you sle- go home with Costia, then?”  
  
Lexa shrugged, “I’m not sure if this other girl likes me. I’m sure Costia does, though. Costia is safe. Her bed is warm.”  
  
Clarke frowned at that. She admitted that she did not like Costia – she did not like anyone with lips attached to Lexa’s neck – but it pained her that Lexa chose Costia because she felt like she didn’t have a chance with the girl she actually had feelings for.  
  
“That’s just stupid.”  
  
Lexa raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Is it?”  
  
“Yeah,” Clarke elaborated, “You’re too fucking scared of rejection to ask this girl you like out, so you just kind of go for the safe option? That’s bullshit.”  
  
“I’m not scared, I’m just –”  
  
“Proud? I knew that already. You can’t do this, Lexa. It’s not fair on Costia either. How would you feel if you loved someone and they were only with you because you were a safe place?”  
  
“I can learn to love Costia,” Lexa replied stubbornly.  
  
“No, you can’t. You can’t just – Jesus Christ, Lexa. Do you even see what you’re doing to yourself? You’re going back to a girl who gives you fucking panic attacks, just because it’s easy. You’re so amazing and you should put yourself first. You should give yourself the best chances you have,” Clarke concluded, a little angry at the way Lexa shook it off like her love life wasn’t a big deal – like she didn’t matter.  
  
“I’ll settle, Clarke. It’s okay. I’ve settled all my life. I’ll survive it,” Lexa said, but Clarke saw an exhaustion in the way she hung her head. She stepped closer to Lexa. Lexa looked up. Clarke saw a flash of something in her eyes, something in between sadness and desperation. It disappeared as soon as it had come, but Lexa didn’t look away, which was – so Clarke had learned – a victory.  
  
“Maybe life should be about more than just surviving,” Clarke said, her tone determined, “Don’t we deserve better than that?”  
  
Lexa’s eyes seemed to grow bigger than they had, and for a few seconds, Clarke saw the sadness again, but this time followed by confusion, fear and finally, when Clarke thought she saw something of fondness twinkle in Lexa’s eyes, Lexa looked away from Clarke’s eyes, took a quick glance at her lips, and looked back up. She seemed to have made some sort of decision.  
  
“Maybe we do,” she said softly. Before Clarke knew it, Lexa stepped forward, Lexa’s hand was behind her neck, Lexa’s face was coming closer, and Clarke had no idea what was going on until – oh shit. Lexa’s lips were on Clarke’s and everything clicked.

  
\-----

  
Clarke always found it hard to find peace in her brain. There were always thoughts racing around in there. Even at pop concerts, or during her favorite TV show or during Octavia’s stories about what _that fuckboy_ at college had said today, she found herself losing focus and dozing off into thoughts about random things, such as what to wear tomorrow.  
  
But when she was kissing Lexa, for a minute all Clarke could think of was how Lexa’s lips tasted of toothpaste and constellations, how Lexa’s hand was steady on her neck, but not pushing her into the kiss, how Lexa’s glare could make the kitchen staff kiss her feet in less than a minute, but now she was only gentle and soft. Lexa kissed Clarke like she was made of glass. If Clarke was glass, then Lexa was fire, because Clarke melted right under her touch.

  
\------  


There were many more kisses after that. Soft kisses, at first. Kisses with Lexa’s hands on Clarke’s hips, pulling her in closer, with Clarke’s arms hanging from Lexa’s neck, with Clarke bending forward just a little.  
  
Then there were kisses with Clarke pressed up against Lexa’s car door that showed Clarke that Lexa had waited for this just as long as she had: Lexa was eager, trying not to touch her too much, finding a great balance as she shoved Clarke up against her car door and let her hands wander around Clarke’s body.  
  
There were kisses in the car ride to Clarke’s house; kisses on Lexa’s cheek, jawline and neck – Clarke tried to avoid the hickeys Costia had left and told herself this body wasn’t Costia’s territory; it wasn’t anyone’s territory but Lexa’s.  
  
Then there was a very long, sweet kiss after Clarke had asked Lexa to come in and Lexa had declined.  
  
“I think we should take this slow,” Lexa said.  
  
“You weren’t exactly taking it slow with Costia,” Clarke remarked, and she tried to make her jealousy sound like a joke, but failed to do so.  
  
Lexa lifted Clarke’s chin with her finger, looked into her eyes long enough for Clarke to forget all kind of doubts she had, and said, “That’s because Costia was familiar territory. You and I are new. We should take it slow in order to make this work. I mean, if that’s what you want.”  
  
Clarke nodded a little too eagerly, making Lexa laugh.  
  
“Okay. So I’ll see you tomorrow?”  
  
“You betcha,” Clarke replied. Lexa shook her head and laughed to herself before leaning in and pressing her lips upon Clarke’s. The kiss was soft and slow, but exciting enough to make Clarke feel like her legs might give in any minute - she put her hands upon Lexa’s hips just to be safe. Lexa smiled against her mouth as she did so.  
  
“Bye Clarke,” Lexa whispered against Clarke’s mouth, before she turned around, walked back to her car, got in and drove away.

  
\------

  
Clarke was too stunned to reply.

  
\------

  
The next day Clarke walked into the restaurant with a huge grin on her face. All day she’d been looking forward to this moment. Last night’s kiss had made her want more and at college she’d been dreaming of seeing Lexa again, not paying attention to the lecture because she was thinking of holding Lexa in her arms again. Yes, it had been enormously teenager-in-love-like, but Clarke didn’t care. She was happy and she couldn’t wait to see Lexa again.  
  
So when she walked into the restaurant, a cheery grin on her face, and all Lexa said was, “Hello Clarke.” in an awfully neutral voice, all Clarke could manage was a shaky, unsure  
  
“H-Hey”. When Lexa turned around to her father to discuss the menu for tonight, Clarke rushed out of the room, seeking refuge in the staff bathroom.  
  
Clinging onto the sink, all kind of scenarios ran to Clarke’s head. Had she imagined it all? Had it been some sort of sick, twisted dream? Or had Lexa just figured out over night that this wasn’t what she wanted, after all?  
  
Clarke felt sick to her stomach and held onto the bathroom sink for fear her legs would give up on her. She allowed a tear to slip. How typical it was that just when she’d gotten exactly what she wanted, it turned out to be a trap. Another way to break her heart.  
  
She looked up into the mirror and cringed at herself.  
  
_Look at you_ , she told herself, _crying over someone you haven’t even been dating 24 hours_.  
  
No – she wasn’t gonna sulk over Lexa all evening. She was going to go back out there and face it. Face Lexa. Clarke let go of the sink, took a deep breath and wiped away the tears. She prepared herself to walk through that door. Just when she was about to, the door swung open and Lexa walked in.  
  
When Lexa saw her, her face started beaming and her lips formed into the same grin that she had worn after their first kiss last night.  
  
“Hey,” she said with the soft voice that Clarke knew, rushing to Clarke and wrapping her arms around her.  
  
Clarke froze, not sure what to do – one moment Lexa was acting like she didn’t mean shit to her, and the next she was burying her face in Clarke’s neck? Lexa must’ve felt it: she moved away, taking a step back and frowning.  
  
“What the hell are you doing?” Clarke asked, more confused than angry.  
  
“Hugging my girlfriend?” Lexa replied, her tone unsure.  
  
“No, I’m talking about the silent treatment!”  
  
“Oh… I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. It’s just that my father can’t know about us.” Lexa sounded genuine, but Clarke didn’t understand. She scratched the back of her head, trying not to let her hurt show too much.  
  
“What, ‘cause you’re my coworker-slash-boss?”  
  
“No, because… I’m not exactly out of the closet yet,” Lexa said, looking down at her hands.  
  
“You literally stood making out with a girl against the door of your parents’ restaurant two nights ago, but your parents don’t know you like girls?”  
  
“It’s complicated, Clarke. And I think it’s better if you stop bringing Costia up all the time.”  
  
“Okay, hold up – did you _not_ think it was important to tell me that you’re not out when I said I wanted to make this work?” Clarke replied, raising her voice a little.  
  
“Would it have stopped you from starting a relationship with me?” Lexa replied, raising one eyebrow.  
  
“Well, yes, maybe!”  
  
The conversation fell silent. Lexa looked at her hands for fear Clarke would see the hurt in her eyes. Clarke sighed, eventually, hating to be the one to cave but also hating that they were having an argument on the first real day of their relationship. She took Lexa’s hand, pulling Lexa a little closer.  
  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up on you. I just would’ve liked to know before we agreed to start this relationship.”  
  
“You’re right. I should’ve told you. I, just… My family is really complicated. I’ll tell you about it sometime.”  
  
Clarke nodded. She knew not to push on; the vulnerability in Lexa’s voice told her that this was not a topic for a staff bathroom on a Sunday night.  
  
“For now, can we just keep it a secret?”  
  
Clarke nodded.  
  
She didn’t know how this was gonna work, but she was willing to try it for Lexa.

  
\------

  
And Clarke had to give it to Lexa; there was something about secret kisses in the alley behind the restaurant during their breaks that made her want more. More of the winking behind everyone’s back, of the quick kisses on shoulders when the other kitchen chefs were busy, of being hugged from behind for a split second when Clarke was pouring drinks.

  
\-----

  
**Lexa (3:02 am):** There is one thing I regret about our first kiss.  
  
**Clarke (3:07 am):** Lexa, why the hell are you still up and sending me cryptic text messages?  
  
**Lexa (3:08 am):** I am so sorry Clarke, I did not mean to wake you.  
  
**Clarke (3:10 am):** You didn’t, don’t worry, I was still up painting.  
  
**Clarke (3:10 am)** : Anyway, what do you regret?  
  
**Lexa (3:11 am):** That I did not get the chance to buy you dinner first.  
  
**Clarke (3:11 am):** Why am I not surprised at your old fashioned-ness?  
  
**Lexa (3:12 am):** It is not old-fashioned, it is proper.  
  
**Clarke (3:14 am):** Whatever. Don’t worry, you’ll get plenty of chances to take me to dinner ;)  
  
**Lexa (3:14 am):** How about Sunday? I’ll ask my dad to take over the restaurant, maybe drive us some place.  
  
**Clarke (3:15 am):** This was your plan the whole time, wasn’t it?  
  
**Lexa (3:16 am):** It may have been.  
  
**Clarke (3:18 am):** Smooth, Lexa, very smooth.  
  
**Clarke (3:18 am):** Pick me up at 7.  


\-----

  
Clarke couldn’t keep her mouth shut about the way Lexa had asked her on a date, and that’s how Octavia found out.

  
\------

  
Clarke was just applying her last touch of make-up when her doorbell rang. She checked to see if her dress was in the right place before she rushed down the stairs.  
  
“Hey,” she chirped when she opened the door for Lexa. She took Lexa in and… _oh_. Lexa was in skinny jeans, a t-shirt and All Stars. She only had little make-up on and her hair in a ponytail.  
  
Lexa realized what was going on at the same time Clarke did.  
  
“You look gorgeous,” she said, taking in Clarke’s black dress, curled hair and heels.  
  
“I didn’t realize –” Clarke started, but Lexa cut in.  
  
“Maybe I should have told you it wasn’t going to be that kind of date.”  
  
“Yeah, we should’ve talked about a dress code. Anyway, come in, I’ll change,” Clarke said, a little awkward. She opened the door for Lexa and made her way towards her room when Lexa stopped her.  
  
“No, no, you’ve gone through such efforts and you look so beautiful. You should just come with me like this,” Lexa argued. Clarke blushed.  
  
“That’s really cute of you, but we can’t go to a restaurant with you in casual clothing and me totally overdressed.”  
  
Lexa frowned.  
  
“Who said anything about a restaurant?”  
  
“Oh. You don’t wanna be, like, in public?” Clarke turned around and bit her lip. Should she have known she was gonna be Lexa’s dirty little secret? Was Octavia right when she told Clarke that closeted girls were a no-go?  
  
“No, that’s not it!” Lexa rushed over to her, putting a hand on her arm.  
  
“Clarke, I just thought for our first date it would be nice if I cooked for you… Unless you want something else, of course.”  
  
Clarke smiled.  
  
“Sounds perfect.”

  
  
Lexa turned out to be quite the romantic. She had spread out a picnic blanket in the middle of her living room, covered it with some pillows and put on a slow record in the background.  
  
“Have a seat, most of the food I just need to warm up,” Lexa explained and walked over to the counter, which was not far from the picnic blanket.  
  
“So,” Clarke started, “You didn’t strike me as the record player type.”  
  
Lexa smiled at Clarke over her shoulder and turned back around to the counter.  
  
“I didn’t strike you as the punk music type either, remember?”  
  
“You still don’t.”  
  
“Well, I am.”  
  
“I wonder what other interesting things I’m gonna find out about you. Tell me, Lexa, do you secretly have a nipple piercing?” Clarke teased. Lexa laughed.  
  
“Well, I was going to wait to show you this, but now that you found out…”  
  
“Ha ha, you think you’re quite funny, don’t you?” Clarke replied. Lexa smiled when she heard the fondness in Clarke’s voice.  
  
“I am.”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
Lexa turned around from the counter with a tray that contained mini-hamburgers, a salad, olives, nachos and several other dishes.  
  
“You know me too well,” Clarke started as she picked up a burger from the tray. Lexa smiled.  
  
“This shit is delicious.”  
  
“Well don’t eat too much of this… shit… because there’s chocolate ice cream for desert.”  
  
Clarke snorted at the way Lexa tried to imitate her talking. Lexa blushed.  
  
“Thank you,” Clarke said when she was done eating, “I mean, I didn’t really expect to be in your living room and to be overdressed for our first date, but you made it perfect.”  
  
“Well, I guess you will have to repay me by making our second date perfect.”  
  
“Very smooth, Lexa, very smooth,” Clarke grinned. She leaned in to kiss Lexa’s cheek and, just when Lexa was about to move away, leaned towards her ear and whispered, “Challenge accepted.”

  
\------

  
Whoever said kissing on the first date was not done must’ve been crazy. Clarke’s lips were sore at the end of the night. She loved it.  
  
  
\-----


	5. and then there's no right way to end things...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute Clexa dates and ... well ... more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this is a very short chapter, but it does feature Octavia and I'm pretty sure that could make up for anything. (Also, the next chapter will be twice this size so please do stick with the story).

“Lex?” Clarke asked softly. They were in the park on a picnic blanket – Lexa seemed to really love those – and Lexa’s head was on her lap. Clarke played with Lexa’s hair while Lexa was enjoying the smell and sound of nature with her eyes closed.

“Hm?”

“Why do you only wear your hair down when we’re with the two of us?”

Lexa opened one eye to see whether Clarke was serious and, noticing that she was, opened the other as well.

“It’s the only time I feel comfortable enough. I guess it all comes down to my parents,” she sighed. Clarke nodded. She’d kind of figured that out herself.

“I thought so. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, Clarke, I do,” Lexa protested. She sat up, throwing her legs over each other to get in a comfortable position and taking Clarke’s hand. She wrapped her fingers around the palm of Clarke’s hand and put their hands in her lap.

“Okay, so you know my parents. They are good people and all. And I love them. But they raised me very strictly, so basically I always had to sit with my shoulders straight and had to look good and use perfect grammar… That kind of thing. I guess it has always really affected me,” Lexa confessed, “That is why I still always wear my hair up and you know, I speak a little differently than most people my age. I know people laugh about it behind my back, but… I don’t know. I can’t help it.”

Clarke nodded.

“It looks really pretty when you wear it down.”

Lexa smiled.

“Thanks.”

She lay down again and put her head back in Clarke’s lap, nuzzling into her left leg and drifting off to sleep.

 

\-----

Clarke watched her sleep and wondered if Lexa would ever be able to wash off her parents’ mark. She was really starting to dislike her boss.

\------

 

“Clarke, you’re fucking gross,” Octavia whined, “You’ve been texting Lexa all night.”

Clarke didn’t reply, instead focusing on what to text Lexa back.

“Leave Clarke alone, you and I were like that once,” Lincoln said, wrapping his arms around Octavia from behind. He rested his head on her shoulder.

Somehow, Clarke’s telling Octavia about her relationship had turned into telling Bellamy and Lincoln as well. Lexa had been okay with it as long as they didn’t tell her parents.

“Yeah, I sure remember that. And other things too,” Bellamy sighed from where he was sitting on the couch.

“Bell, how many times do we have to apologize? We didn’t know you were home!” Octavia groaned.

“I still hear it in my nightmares, Octavia!” Bellamy semi-shouted back.

“Don’t be dramatic,” Octavia said, rolling her eyes, “So, Clarke, how ‘bout you and the commander? Are you getting it on yet?”

Bellamy got up from the couch.

“I do not need to be in the room for this conversation.”

“Right behind you,” Lincoln added, following him out of the room. Octavia chuckled.

“I knew those dumbasses wouldn’t be able to handle that. It’s like talking about your period. Boys are so weak.”

Clarke laughed, “Yeah, I kinda get why Lexa is on team all-girls.”

“She told her parents yet?”

Clarke’s silence was enough of an answer for Octavia. She put her hand on Clarke’s arm and started cautiously.

“Clarke…”

“I know,” Clarke replied, her tone slightly irritated. She moved her arm away.

“Do you? Because you seem not to act upon it.”

“I’m not gonna push her to come out of the closet, O!”

“So you’re just gonna be her secret and feel like shit because of it?”

“It’s not like that. We go out in public. Just not anywhere near the restaurant,” Clarke confessed.

“Jesus, Clarke, how does it not bother you that you won’t meet her family?”

“You don’t know what it’s like to come out, O!” Clarke raised her voice.

“Oh no, don’t go playing the you’re-not-queer-so-you-don’t-know-shit-card,” Octavia bit back. Clarke sighed, realizing Octavia was right.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that I like her so much. I don’t wanna force her into anything. And it’s okay, really. It doesn’t really bother me.”

“I’m just trying to look out for you,” Octavia replied in a soft voice, taking Clarke’s hand in hers, “I don’t wanna see you hurt.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Octavia said and continued on a lighter note, “So, she must be really perfect for you to want to date her when she’s not out yet.”

“She is!”

 

\------

Clarke spent the rest of the afternoon babbling Octavia’s ears off about Lexa, to the point where Octavia had to text Lexa to come pick Clarke up because she couldn’t hear about it anymore.

\------

 

“You wanna play some Mario Kart?” Clarke asked one afternoon when Lexa came over to her apartment. They usually hung out in Lexa’s apartment because it was bigger, so now that they were in Clarke’s apartment she wasn’t sure exactly what to do.

“I’ve never really played that before,” Lexa admitted.

Clarke, who was already on her way to the couch, dragging Lexa along by the hand, stopped dead in her tracks, which caused Lexa to nearly bump into her.

“Watch where you’re –” Lexa started, but stopped when she saw Clarke was gawking at her, both her eyes wide open.

“What is it?” she asked, a little worried but mostly impatient, because she knew that the look on Clarke’s face was more playful than shocked.

“You’ve never played Mario Kart?” Clarke repeated, pronouncing every word slowly. Lexa nodded.

“Dear lord, are you okay? Please love yourself and play some Mario Kart!” Clarke exclaimed. Lexa rolled her eyes.

“I’ve had 19 very good years of life without that game Clarke, thank you very much.”

“But have you? How can you know that those were good years when you’ve never played it? C’mon, we need to get you educated.”

“What, you’re going to teach me?”

“Exactly!”

“Oh no, is it gonna be like those movies in which the handsome, slightly tanned dude teaches the blonde, white girl how to play pool and then they kiss because he is so close?”

“Lex, I may be tanned and handsome, I’m still not a dude.”

“Ha-ha.”

“Also, kisses are only for when you end first. So you better try your best.”

 

“THIS IS NOT FAIR, I WAS SO CLOSE BEFORE THAT DRAGON-CREATURE THREW THAT GREEN THING AT ME!” Lexa yelled.

“That _thing_ is a shell, Lexa, I told you this.”

“Silent, Clarke, I need to concentrate.”

“Lexa, it’s really cute that you wanna win and get my kisses so badly, but I finished 10 minutes ago. Can’t you just give up?”

“It was only 2 minutes ago, Clarke, and I can’t just _give up_ , that’s for the weak.”

“Wasn’t love for the weak as well?”

“Shhh, I’m trying to beat the green Italian guy!” Lexa replied, waving Clarke’s logic away.

“First of all, just ‘cause his name is Luigi doesn’t mean he’s Italian. That’s very rude. Second of all, you’re kind of sexy when you’re competitive.”

Lexa blushed and Clarke grinned. She had gotten exactly what she’d wanted. She crawled behind Lexa, who was sitting on the edge of the couch, bending forward as if leaning towards the TV would win her the game. Clarke placed one leg on either side of Lexa’s body and rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder.

“Clarke,” Lexa asked in a suspicious voice, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing, baby,” Clarke said innocently, “Just finish the game.”

“The fact that you just called me baby tells me that you’re up to something.”

Clarke didn’t answer. Instead she kissed Lexa’s cheek. When Lexa didn’t reply to her kiss, Clarke kissed her cheek again, and again, and again, until she was very close to Lexa’s mouth.

“Clarke,” Lexa whined, “I can’t see the screen like this.”

“Fine,” Clarke mumbled, but instead of stopping, she moved down to Lexa’s jawline.

“Cl– Clarke, I’m trying to – I’m trying to beat Luigi.”

“There’s only one name I wanna hear you say right now, and it’s _not_ Luigi,” Clarke whispered into Lexa’s ear. Lexa gasped softly. Clarke knew Lexa was trying not to let Clarke hear how much she enjoyed it, which was only motivating Clarke to turn Lexa on more.

She kissed down to Lexa’s chin and then her neck. She heard a tiny noise coming from Lexa’s mouth at the same time she felt the skin beneath her vibrating and smiled. These were the small pleasures of life that made her happy.

Clarke wanted really badly to go further down, to kiss every inch of Lexa’s skin, but she didn’t. She wasn’t sure whether Lexa was okay with that and the last thing she wanted was to make Lexa feel uncomfortable.

So instead, Clarke kissed her way ‘round Lexa’s neck, and just as she was doing so, Lexa made another noise, this time a little louder.

 _Jackpot_ , Clarke thought as she saw how Lexa’s hand were clutching to the Wii-controller. She sucked on Lexa’s soft spot and heard a moan come from Lexa’s throat. She smiled against Lexa’s skin.

The next thing she heard was a Wii-controller falling to the ground. She saw how it smashed open and how the batteries rolled out, but didn’t have much time to witness the spectacle, since Lexa was turning around, biting her lip and grabbing a fistful of Clarke’s t-shirt.

Lexa pulled Clarke into her forcefully, crashing their faces together. She kissed Clarke with more fire than she’d ever done before. Clarke grinned into the kiss.

Lexa pulled back, panting a little.

“Clarke,” she started slowly, “Are you okay?”

Clarke nodded.

“Are _you_?”

“Yes,” Lexa replied, still a little breathlessly. She looked up at Clarke with one of the most serious expressions Clarke had ever seen her wear. Clarke was scared for a minute.

“Clarke, I want you to tell me as soon as you want me to stop, okay? If there’s anything you don’t like, just say no, I’ll stop immediately.”

Clarke pulled Lexa into her, kissing her softly this time. When Clarke pulled away, she whispered, “I trust you, Lexa.”

Lexa smiled.

Without saying anything else, Lexa started kissing down her neck, making Clarke the moaning one. She took Clarke’s shirt off slowly, giving Clarke all the time to object. When the shirt was off, Lexa started with planting soft kisses on Clarke’s shoulders. Right before Clarke got bored of that, Lexa moved on to the bit of her boobs Clarke’s bra didn’t cover.

Clarke gasped as Lexa kissed and sucked.

Lexa looked up, asking permission with her eyes. Clarke nodded. Lexa undid Clarke’s bra with shaking fingers. They were cold on Clarke’s skin, but Lexa’s warm mouth on her boobs made up for it.

Clarke threw her head over the side of the couch and moaned loudly. She felt Lexa smirk against her skin and mumbled as good as she could, “Stop being smug and start fucking me.”

Lexa replied, “Stop commanding and start moaning.”

Clarke was about to reply – she hated not having the last word – when Lexa started kissing down her stomach. She shivered, closing her eyes.

When Lexa stopped kissing, Clarke opened her eyes to see Lexa asking for permission again.

“Take them off,” Clarke mumbled and Lexa helped her out of her jeans. Once her panties were the only thing Clarke still had on, Lexa placed right hand on Clarke’s thigh, using the other to guide Clarke’s face towards hers.

She kissed Clarke softly, slowly picking up the pace of the kiss. They were about to part for breath when Lexa slipped one finger inside of Clarke. Clarke gasped against Lexa’s mouth and broke away from Lexa’s face. Lexa took the opportunity to kiss down Clarke’s body again. She pulled her finger away, but only to use that hand to pull down Clarke’s panties.

Lexa replaced her finger with her tongue. Clarke moaned, much louder than before and arched her back. Lexa picked up the pace slowly, until Clarke was sweating and panting.

She didn’t bite her tongue and it was no surprise that just before Clarke came, she screamed “Lexa!”

Lexa licked Clarke clean and travelled back up her body. She watched as Clarke panted, trying to retrieve her breath, meanwhile tracing her arm with soft fingers.

“Okay?” she asked Clarke, who looked up at her and gave her the sweetest smile she could manage.

“Perfect.”

 

\------

And that was the story of how their first time sex together was with the Mario Kart intro playing in the background.

\------


	6. ... 'cause it's ending, you know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which shit goes doooown

A perk of working with your girlfriend is that you get to see her so much.

Lexa and Clarke had begun to develop a schedule. On Saturdays, they’d work all evening and at the end of the night they’d go to Lexa’s apartment together when no one noticed them getting into the same car. When someone did notice, Lexa would say that she was giving Clarke a ride.

Lexa usually did the lying. It didn’t bother her as much as it did Clarke.

They’d spend their Saturday night together, most evenings just lying in bed talking, other times watching a movie or reading. Lexa had a standard bedtime – she always preached about how important that was for her health – but when Clarke was over she could always get her to stay up later.

When they did finally fall asleep, it usually happened with Lexa’s arm draped over Clarke’s stomach and Lexa’s face buried in Clarke’s neck.

On Sunday morning Lexa was always the first to wake. If Clarke was lucky, Lexa would go downstairs and make them a breakfast of fruit salad and pancakes. Other days Lexa would sit and watch Clarke sleep. Clarke had caught her doing this multiple times.

“Were you watching me sleep again?” Clarke mumbled one Sunday morning.

“No,” Lexa denied, although Clarke could hear from her tone of voice that she was lying. Clarke smiled.

“It’s okay,” she said with a smirk, “Considering my incredible beauty, I’d watch me sleep as well.”

Lexa just rolled her eyes and hit her with a pillow.

 

\------

 

Clarke always hated getting up, but for some reason it was even harder on Sunday mornings.

 

\-------

 

One Saturday night, around 3 a.m., Clarke woke up from a terrible nightmare.

The day of her father’s death was approaching and when that happened, Clarke always started having dreams again. Nightmares in which she saw him take his last dying breath again, dreams of times they went to the beach together that turned into nightmares of him being swallowed by the sea, nightmares in which he said how she had disappointed him.

Clarke’s eyes shot open when she saw the corpse of her dad, his lips the only thing still moving. His lips, that formed those terrible words: ‘You aren’t looking after your mother, Clarke. You’re letting me down.’

“It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real,” Clarke whispered to herself over and over again, but it didn’t work. She sneaked out of Lexa’s embrace and crawled out of bed, looking for her phone.

When she’d found it, she left the bedroom. Walking to the living room, she dialed her mom’s number. There was no answer.

Clarke pressed the red button and stared out at the darkness outside her window. If she hadn’t been panicking this much, she wouldn’t have these stupid doubts, but she was panicking and she couldn’t stop the thoughts shooting through her mind. Thoughts of _what if something terrible had happened? What if that dream had appeared to her as a warning?_ Her dad was right, she hadn’t been taking care of her mom. It had been at least four months since she’d last seen Abby, but when her mom mentioned it Clarke would just sigh and say that she was busy.

She mentally kicked herself for being so careless and dialed her mom’s number again and again, rocking herself back and forth on the couch. She sat in the darkness for what felt like hours, but really only was a few minutes, because just when Clarke had hung up the phone for the third time, the light in the hallway turned on.

“Clarke?” Lexa sounded exactly like she’d just woken up. She stumbled into the living room, only wearing an oversized t-shirt and boxers. Her hair was loose and she had her glasses on. If Clarke hadn’t had her eyes fixed on her phone, she would’ve smiled at how adorable Lexa looked.

“What are you doing, baby?” Lexa asked, her voice worried and her face in a frown.

“My mum – dialing my – she doesn’t answer,” Clarke replied, not being able to compose all her thoughts in a sentence and not making any sense to Lexa.

“Okay, why don’t you give me the phone and explain to me what’s wrong?” Lexa asked gently, taking place next to Clarke on the couch.

“I can’t, I have to call my mom!”

“We will call her after, okay? Just put the phone away for a second and talk to me. If that doesn’t help, I’ll drive you to your mom’s house. I promise.” Lexa ran her hands through Clarke’s hair softly, trying to get Clarke to return to her.

Clarke looked up at Lexa and became aware of the comforting motion of Lexa’s fingers in her hair. She calmed down enough to explain it a little.

“I had a nightmare. My dad. He, he said I wasn’t taking care of her and now she isn’t answering her phone.”

That was enough for Lexa to put the pieces together. Clarke had told her before that she had nightmares about her dad and, knowing that Clarke was trying to call her mom, she put one and one together and understood why Clarke was freaking out right now.

“Oh Clarke,” she said under her breath, her eyes looking incredibly sad. They were the eyes of someone who understood perfectly what it was like to be panicking at three a.m.

“I’m sure your mother is fine. It is three a.m. and she is probably asleep right now. Your mother is probably in her bedroom, under very warm, very soft sheets, sleeping tightly. She is probably totally fine,” Lexa reasoned, trying to paint Clarke the picture.

“But she’s not answering her phone.”

“Yes, because she is asleep. She probably had a very busy day at the hospital and now she’s sleeping very tightly.”

Clarke nodded, not reassured completely but coming to her senses to understand that it was time to listen to Lexa. She put her phone on the couch next to her and stared at Lexa expectantly, as if she was waiting for Lexa to take lead now.

“You wanna go back to bed?” Lexa asked, gently running her finger over Clarke’s arm. Clarke nodded.

 

They walked back into the bedroom together, Lexa tugging Clarke along by the hand. She held up the sheets for Clarke to crawl into the bed and walked back to the light switch, turning it off. After that, she crawled into the bed next to Clarke. She slung an arm around her girlfriend and watched her closely, tired but also wanting to be ready if Clarke was going to start panicking again. They lay next to each other for a while. When Lexa noticed that Clarke was still shaking, she got out of bed. Clarke opened her mouth to protest, but before she could say anything, Lexa was back with her guitar and a smile on her face. She placed her guitar on her side of the bed and crawled over to Clarke’s side, but only to open the window. A stream of warm air flowed into the room. Lexa maneuvered over Clarke’s body again, this time pausing to sit closer to Clarke and say in a soft voice, “Look at those stars. Aren’t they beautiful?”

Clarke nodded, trying to take in all the bright little lights in the dark night.

Lexa began strumming on her guitar, just soft enough for it to be a relaxing tune in the background. Clarke recognized the chords but couldn’t make out what song it was until Lexa started singing softly.

“Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I’ll be safe and sound.”

Clarke smiled as Lexa continued singing. She threw the blankets off of them – the night air was enough to keep them warm anyway –, curled up, rested her head on Lexa’s lap and fell asleep to the sound of the guitar.

 

\------

 

Clarke didn’t have any other nightmares that night.

 

\------

 

It wasn’t all cute and fun, though. They fought. They fought a lot.

Clarke found out that when Lexa was upset about something, she’d shut Clarke out completely. She’d give Clarke the cold shoulder for hours, not speaking to her unless absolutely necessary and when she did speak to her, she’d say one or two words. That would go on until Clarke cornered her and confronted her. Lexa had to stop denying at some point. It usually ended with Lexa shouting, Clarke apologizing and Lexa calming down.

At first, when Clarke was angry, Lexa would try to fix things immediately. She’d apologize and expect Clarke to clear up immediately, like Lexa usually did. Clarke, however, often needed time and space. Lexa soon learned that, after an argument, she should leave Clarke alone with her thoughts for a while. The next day she’d usually text to repeat her apology and Clarke often accepted the apology after having had some time and space.

This time, however, was different.

 

It was Saturday night and they were in Lexa’s both, still in their restaurant clothes, talking about the restaurant when Lexa accidentally let slip that her dad was planning on firing Octavia.

“What? No, are you serious?” Clarke asked, sitting up immediately from her place in Lexa’s bed.

“Yes, he told me so yesterday.”

“Why?”

“Because she has been showing up late and, well, as you’ve probably noticed, she hasn’t really been the friendliest.”

“Well, yeah, obviously she hasn’t been smiling all the time – she’s been fighting with Bellamy a lot recently, she’s upset. And he doesn’t drive her to work anymore, which is why she’s late.”

Lexa just nodded, but Clarke could tell she was holding something back. She narrowed her eyes.

“What did you say to Frank?”

“I said I agreed with him.”

“Wait, what? You agreed to fire my best friend?” Clarke asked, shuffling away from Lexa a little bit. Lexa sat up as well, running a hand through her hair.

“This is not about you, Clarke,” Lexa sighed.

“It kinda is, though. You could’ve at least talked to me about it before you agreed to fire her!” Clarke argued.

“We haven’t fired her yet. And I can’t just not fire someone because they’re my girlfriend’s best friend.”

“Is that why you agreed? Or is it because you’re you afraid that your dad is gonna link Octavia back to me and then find out about us?”

Lexa’s eyes glowed with fire at that comment and Clarke knew she’d really pissed her off now. She knew as soon as she had said it that it was a low blow and that it had no relevance for this discussion whatsoever. But she also knew that Lexa had agreed to fire her best friend, knowing full well that it would upset Clarke. And at least now Lexa was upset as she was.

“Do not play that card, Clarke. I am trying my best to stay professional here,” Lexa raised her voice.

“That’s the problem, Lexa! You should look at it with some humanity, not with your professional side!” Clarke shouted, getting up from the bed and starting to arrange her things.

“Some decisions you gotta make with your head, Clarke, not with your heart.”

“Don’t fucking lecture me,” Clarke spat, turning around to look Lexa in the eye. Lexa just sighed.

“You tell your dad that if he wants to fire Octavia, he can go find a new head of service too,” Clarke said bitterly before she walked out of the room. She pretended not to hear Lexa mutter a curse under her breath.

 

Clarke walked home that Saturday night with a heavy heart but no tears streaming down her face. She hated seeing Lexa upset, but this time Clarke was right and she was putting her foot down. How could Lexa think that it was okay to just fire her best friend as if it was nothing?

She crawled into her own bed and ignored how empty the right side felt. After shuffling around for a while, she curled up around her pillow and fell asleep.

 

When Clarke woke up the next morning, the first thing she did was check for Lexa’s text. Her phone, however, showed zero new messages. She frowned and checked the time. Surely, Lexa was up by now. Maybe she’d fallen back asleep.

Clarke got out of bed and slipped into the shower. She let the warm water soothe her as she thought about last night.

Okay, so maybe she had been a little unreasonable. After all, Lexa couldn’t play any favorites and Octavia had indeed been messy lately. But the way that Lexa had said Octavia should be fired, as if it didn’t faze her at all, made Clarke angry all over again. When she stepped out of the shower, she decided to wait for Lexa’s text.

She waited all afternoon. The text didn’t come.

 

When she opened the door to the restaurant that evening, Lexa was already there. She looked breathtakingly beautiful and like something Clarke couldn’t have and Clarke could feel her stomach sink. She hated not being able to touch Lexa when Lexa was wearing tight jeans and a white blouse that Clarke could easily rip open, would easily rip open, if they hadn’t been fighting. She wondered if Lexa had dressed this way on purpose, if she knew what it did to Clarke. Of course she knew.

“Hey,” Clarke said, nervously. Lexa looked up and acknowledged her with a nod. It wasn’t exactly what Clarke had expected. She figured Lexa would be apologetic or at least kind, but not that she would look at her with empty eyes, as if she was indifferent towards everything that was going on.

“We need to talk,” Clarke started. This was all new to her; she wasn’t used to being the one who tried to make amends, not when she’d been the upset one.

“Frank’s in the back,” Lexa replied in a neutral tone, cutting off Clarke’s effort. Clarke frowned.

“Uh, okay. Well, we do need to talk, maybe not when your dad’s close, but how about tonight?”

Lexa just nodded, not looking up from what she was doing.

 

Clarke fled to the back of the store, dying to escape the awkward tension.

“Ah, Clarke,” Frank said when he saw her, “I’m gonna need you to keep an eye on Octavia.”

Clarke frowned. Wasn’t he going to fire her? Frank saw her confusion and explained.

“She has been really sloppy lately, arriving late and being rude to customers. I want you to take her under your wing. I was actually gonna fire her, but Lexa stopped me. She said if Octavia was leaving, Lincoln and Bellamy would leave as well. She’s right.”

Frank babbled on but Clarke couldn’t concentrate on what he said. Lexa had stopped her dad from firing Octavia? Was this her way to apologize? Clarke just nodded at Frank and when he was done talking, she walked back into the restaurant, took Lexa by the wrist, and dragged her to the staff bathroom. Lexa didn’t protest, almost as if she knew what Frank had just told her.

“You made sure Octavia didn’t get fired? For me?” Clarke asked, still not quite comprehending the situation. Lexa just nodded. She still didn’t say a word, but her facial expression was softer.

“Why didn’t you tell him that I’d quit if he fired O?”

“He would probably fire you. He isn’t scared to fire two people at a time. Three is a crowd.”

“You didn’t wanna put my job on the line.”

Lexa shrugged, “I guess.”

Clarke grinned. She knew that Lexa’s stoic expression was just Lexa trying to hide her affection.

“C’mere,” she said, cupping Lexa’s face in her hands and pulling her closer. Lexa relaxed into the kiss and Clarke knew they were okay. She sighed against Lexa’s lips, releasing all the tension that had been building up in her stomach.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you,” she murmured.

“I know,” Lexa mumbled, pulling her in again.

 

\------

 

The three words were on Clarke’s lips that night, but she didn’t say them. The timing wasn’t right. Instead, she settled for “thanks baby” and make-up sex.

 

\------

 

The night that it happened was two or three weeks later on a very busy night.

Clarke was just on her five minute break when it happened. Looking out on the restaurant, watching the people enjoying their food, seeing the waitresses run around and laugh with customers, she smiled. She would bet her art supplies Frank was happy now that he’d kept on Octavia.

Frank had told her before work that there was an inspector coming today. If he liked the food, he would write a good review and it would help Frank to open up the restaurant in another state, as he had been planning. He had told the whole staff so they’d be in their best shape. Everyone had been a little nervous after that announcement, but Lexa and Clarke had both had a quick word with their team and now the whole staff was working as hard as possible.

She looked over to the counter where Frank was usually welcoming the guests with a polite smile. Now, however, he seemed pretty worked up: Clarke recognized the tight line of his lips and the frowning of his eyebrows as his stern face. He seemed to be in a heated argument with the two men standing by the counter.

Clarke walked over quickly. The rest of her break would have to wait.

“Everything okay?” she asked, mainly directed at Frank. She shot a small smile at the men on the opposite side of the counter.

“No, everything is not okay,” one of the males attacked her immediately. She frowned.

“What’s going on?” she asked, half aiming the question towards the customer and half towards Frank.

“This man won’t let us have dinner here,” the second guy told her. Both men looked worked up, the two of them frowning just as much as Frank was. _Please, God, not another couple of jerks_ , Clarke sighed to herself.

“Surely there’s some kind of problem,” Clarke replied smiling, forcing herself to stay calm and polite.

“There isn’t,” Frank cut off, “We are not serving homosexual customers.”

“Wait – what?” Clarke asked, taken aback by what her boss had just told her.

“We aren’t serving homosexuals when there are lots of other, normal couples who can have dinner here,” Frank explained, as if it was the most normal statement ever.

“You have got to be kidding me Frank, what has their sexuality got to do with them eating here?” Clarke argued. She knew that Lexa was scared to come out to her parents, but she’d never actually mentioned her father being a homophobe. Clarke had always thought she was just too nervous. God knows she’d been so.

“I don’t want any gays in my restaurant on a busy night,” Frank hissed.

 _Too fucking bad, I’m pretty sure your chef is one,_ Clarke thought. She didn’t say anything though.

“What about bisexuals?” she asked, “You gonna send them away too?”

“Everything unnatural. Not on a night like this.”

“Well, what a shame,” Clarke sassed, “I guess you just sent away your head of service!”

Frank’s mouth dropped like a brick in the water.

 

“Clarke,” Octavia said, “We really need you.” Her forehead and neck were sweaty and she was balancing a heavy-looking tray on her left arm. Clarke looked at her apologetically.

“I’m so sorry, O, but I think you’re gonna need to deal with this one on your own,” Clarke said, briefly explaining the situation to Octavia. Octavia looked at Frank and muttered a “What the fuck?” at him.

Frank tried to mend it all, “Clarke, don’t be so dramatic. Just finish tonight.”

Clarke shook her head, “Not if you’re not gonna let that couple have dinner here.”

Frank squared his jaw. Clarke knew he wouldn’t reconsider his decision. He was way too stubborn to do so. And she didn’t really wanna lose her job, but she was way too stubborn not to make a point out of this. Besides, would she ever be comfortable working with Frank again, knowing that he was a homophobe? Probably not.

“Not tonight, Clarke,” Frank finally said.

Clarke nodded, coming to terms with his decision and what this meant for her. She turned her attention to the couple.

“My manager is not gonna let you have dinner here. But if you wait a few minutes for me to grab my stuff, I’ll show you a way better restaurant just around the corner.”

 

Clarke rushed through the kitchen to get to the back. She didn’t even check up on Lexa, as she usually did when she walked into the kitchen – she needed to get out of here as soon as possible. She hated being confronted with homo- and biphobia. It broke her heart every single time someone made a stupid comment. She should be getting used to it, with how many times “gay” was used as an insult at college, but then again she didn’t really wanna get used to something so hateful.  

While she was in the back packing her stuff, Bellamy and Raven came in after her. Before she could tell them not to come after her and to go back to the restaurant, Bellamy took of his apron while Raven stripped out of her shirt.

“Wait – you guys are leaving as well?” Clarke asked, confused.

“Damn right,” Raven said, “I ain’t sticking around Frank’s homophobic ass.”

Bellamy just pointed his thumb at Raven, as if to agree with what she’d just said. They laughed together and Bellamy high-fived Raven while Clarke waited, surprised, for the both of them to gather their stuff.

“There are three more coming, they just have to finish up,” Bellamy said, as if it was the most normal thing in the world that they were quitting their job in the middle of doing it.

“Wow, how the hell is Frank gonna run the restaurant tonight?” Clarke wondered aloud. Bellamy and Raven just shrugged. They didn’t really care much, but Clarke had to admit it kind of bothered her to leave the restaurant like this. She had been working here for one and a half years. It was kind of sad that it had to end like this. But all that sentiment was probably just because she was upset about the whole homophobic thing. She shivered just thinking about it.

The three of them made their way downstairs and took their place, waiting next to the couple, who were as surprised as Frank was that so much of the staff was leaving.

 

Octavia, Lincoln and Monty arrived a few moments later. It didn’t surprise Clarke that Octavia and Monty were coming along: Octavia was the best ally that she knew and Monty was as queer as Clarke was. Lincoln, however, surprised her a little, until she realized that Lincoln had said before that he didn’t care much for his job and that Octavia was probably dragging him along.

“Ready, set, go!” Monty smiled. Clarke smiled when she saw Bellamy and Octavia standing side by side again. _The most stubborn of people can be united by a common enemy,_ she thought.

“This kinda feels really good, doesn’t it?” Clarke grinned at the others. They nodded with matching enthusiasm.

“So let’s go! Let’s show the cute couple some a way better place to eat,” Octavia said, loud enough for Frank, who was still standing by the counter, calling people to see if they could replace his leaving staff as soon as possible, to hear.

“Wait,” Clarke said, “Where’s Lexa?”

“Didn’t you see her in the kitchen?” Bellamy asked, frowning.

“Clarke,” Octavia said softly, pity in her eyes as she placed her hand on Clarke’s arm, “Lexa isn’t coming.”

 

\-------

 

Lexa must’ve called Clarke a thousand times that night. Clarke pushed the red button every single time.

 

\--------

 

She called Lexa the next evening. Lexa had stopped calling after last night, probably understanding that Clarke needed time to think about what had happened. She had left two or three text messages, saying that they needed to talk.

Clarke had been thinking about it all day.

They did need to talk.

First of all, Clarke couldn’t believe Lexa hadn’t told her that her parents were homophobes. Was she afraid it would scare Clarke away? Was that a legit reason to keep it from Clarke?

She couldn’t deny she had been upset last night, she had been a little pissed at Lexa. Her mind had been flooded with thoughts of _how the hell could Lexa support her dad like that_? She couldn’t understand why Lexa would shrink herself to the point where she’d stand by the side of someone who would despise her if he knew she liked girls. Maybe she’d been a little too worked up last night, stimulated by Octavia, Bellamy, Raven, Lincoln and Monty, the people who had tried to cheer her up all night by badmouthing Frank and his shitty restaurant – that they’d been part of half an hour ago.

But after a good night’s sleep, she understood that Lexa had been suppressed by her parents all her life – from a young age, they had told her not to let her hair loose, to sit straight, talk politely. Lexa was not in any position to argue with her parents, let alone leave her dad alone in his restaurant on a busy night like that. Especially not when there was an inspector coming.

And maybe she couldn’t completely understand why Lexa did what she did. She hadn’t been a child of homophobic parents or incredibly stern parents, for that matters. So she didn’t really have any right to judge Lexa either. She didn’t blame Lexa. But that didn’t make it all okay.

She had no idea what to do, but she guessed it had to start with talking to Lexa.

 

Clarke had been busy all day working up the courage to call Lexa. She finally got her shit together after dinner, settling on her bed and grabbing her phone.

“Clarke, ” Lexa said as she answered her phone after the second ring, relief flooding her voice.

“Hey, I know you probably need to be working right now, but I really needed to –”

“The restaurant’s closed,” Lexa cut her off.

“Wait – what?” Clarke asked, shocked. She had no idea her actions would have this big of an influence.

“Just for tonight, maybe tomorrow as well. Frank needs to find new staff.”

“Ah, okay,” Clarke said, scratching her head. Guess she wasn’t that important after all.

“So, would you like to come over?”

“Well, as tempting as it sounds to look into your eyes and kiss until I forget what I was upset about, I don’t think that’s the best of ideas.”

Weird enough, Lexa chuckled. After a short silence, she asked in a soft voice, “Are you angry at me, Clarke?”

“I’m not angry. I just don’t fully understand, I guess,” Clarke asked, leaning back against the headboard of her bed. She had a feeling this was gonna be a long conversation.

“I know. It’s just – he’s my dad, you know. My family would never forgive me if I ruined their chance to open a new restaurant.”

“Not even if they were hurting your feelings more than you were hurting their business?”

Lexa sighed.

“With my family, I don’t think I really have the right to be hurt, Clarke.”

“Yeah. I thought so,” Clarke sighed, in her turn.

“I’m sorry, that’s just how it works,” Lexa said. Only when Clarke heard those words, she fully understood that Lexa wasn’t to blame.

“Lex – I’m so sorry. I just, I can’t – last night made me so upset. I can’t face that hate every day.”

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked. She sounded suspicious, as if Clarke had some big bad plan that Lexa was about to find out.

“I mean I understand your decision not to come out to your parents, and I support you in that. Hell, if I were in your position I’d probably stay in the closet for a while as well. But I can’t – it’s not working for me. I can’t face your parents’ homophobia.”

“Clarke,” Lexa said, an edge of panic to her voice that made Clarke’s heart jump, “you don’t have to – we’ll just continue like we are now, without telling my parents!”

“But I can’t! I can’t go back into the closet!”

There was a silence on the other end of the line. Clarke knew Lexa was processing what she’d just heard, and she understood. She was processing it herself as well.

 

 

“Lex, I want to meet my girlfriend’s family and I want my girlfriend to meet my family, I want to be out with her and post silly Instagram pictures together and – we can’t do that. I understand that you’re not out, but I am. And that doesn’t match.”

“What are you saying?” Clarke had never heard so much fear in Lexa’s voice.

“You know what I’m saying.”

“Just tell me, Clarke.”

Somehow, Lexa sounded bitter and sad at the same time. It broke Clarke’s heart.

She sat back on her bed and stared out the window.

 _Do it,_ she told herself, _Don’t put it off any longer. You’re not doing anyone favors._

She heard her voice crack at the same time she felt a tear escape her eye.

“Lexa, we need to break up.”

 

Lexa didn’t reply to that. The other end of the phone was silent. After a few minutes, Clarke thought Lexa had hung up. However, when she listened closely, she could hear sniffing. That’s when it hit her – she wasn’t the only one crying.

She had never seen Lexa cry. Lexa had always shrugged at movies like _Dear John_ and even in the middle of fights, when Clarke was bawling her eyes out, the only thing betraying Lexa was the look in her eyes. Clarke had always figured it had something to do with not showing weakness and Lexa’s parents’ form of education. Lexa had told her once that she didn’t really cry when she was alone either; it just wasn’t her thing.

But now she was crying because Clarke had broken her heart. Clarke had broken both their hearts.

“Lex?” she asked, having gotten her own voice together.

“I love you,” was all Lexa said. She said it in a way that broke Clarke’s heart; it was little more than a whisper, in such a high voice, the kind of voice you get right before you start crying. She sounded so fragile. Clarke wanted to walk all the way to Lexa’s house and hold her in her arms, rock her until she stopped crying.

“I know, baby,” Clarke heard herself say, “I love you too.”

Clarke wondered what the hell she had ever done to the universe because what a cruel, cruel joke it was that she had been waiting to find the right time to say it all these days, not having any idea that it would only leave her with the worst possible time ever. But if she had one chance to say it, better say it now before it was too late.

 

They stayed on the phone all night. Both knew neither wanted to hang up because as soon as this call ended, so did their relationship.

So they talked. They talked about politics, about food, about college.

And when they were done talking, they sat in silence for an hour, only checking in sometimes to make sure the other wasn’t dozing off.

And when they were tired of the silence, Lexa instructed Clarke while Clarke baked herself pancakes.

And when Clarke had finished her pancakes, Lexa started strumming her guitar and singing while Clarke put the phone on speaker and painted.

Looking back later, Clarke would see it as the worst but also one of the best nights they’d had together.

 

They watched the sunrise together: a cliché in the most twisted way.

Clarke told herself to end the call at 7 a.m. Half an hour later, she told herself to break it off at 8.  

When it was 12 o’clock, she finally managed to say, “I should start getting ready for college.”

Who was she kidding? She wasn’t going to college today. But that was beside the point. She had to be strong now. She had made a decision. Unconsciously, she’d made it weeks ago. But now she’d actually told Lexa about and Lexa had accepted it and as much Clarke wanted to turn back time, to stop herself from ever saying it aloud, she couldn’t. This was something she had to do.

“I’m sorry I kept you up,” Lexa said. Clarke was gonna miss the softness of her voice more than anything.

“Yeah, same to you,” Clarke laughed. Lexa didn’t say anything. Clarke sighed, running a hand through her hair.

“Look, Lex, it’s gonna be really hard to be friends these first couple of months. But if you ever need anything – whether it’s to talk or a place to stay, I’ll be right here.”

“Thank you, Clarke. Likewise.”

“Thanks,” Clarke said but she knew she was never gonna take Lexa up on that offer. Right now, she wasn’t sure if she would ever be ready to face Lexa again.

She wondered if it was the same for Lexa, if Clarke was gonna be like Costia. She didn’t really wanna think about it.

“I love you, Lex.”

“I love you too.”

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Clarke.”

 

\------

 

Clarke put her phone on her bed stand, expecting to finally get some sleep.

 

She didn’t.

 

\-------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! Thank you guys so much for reading and the overwhelming amount of response to this fic, I swear to god my friends hate me for every time I went like "omg look it's got ... kudos now!". I hope you guys won't kill me for how this turned out and even more so that you'll continue following my fics! You can also always come chat to me at hellaradclone.tumblr.com :)


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